BOW 11 #2 The internet has made me a nerd*

*No it hasn't, but it greatly helped in the process of me accepting the fact that I was never going to be a "cool person." Not that I ever wanted to be a cool person, well, I did, but I knew there was a very slim chance of this happening, and now I'm rambling. I'm rambling in a blog post.

ANYWAY

I have recently come to the realization that I would not be who I am without the internet. The internet has enhanced my nerd-ness, without this marvelous creation I, honestly have no idea who I would be. Since I'm an old person, at least, you know, compared to most of the people that read this, at 24, I didn't have internet in my house until 7th grade, LATE 7th grade, but honestly, I wasn't a big internet person until I was in college, like my junior year of college.

Now, I started reading Harry Potter when I was 11/12 ish. 1998 or 1999, I loved the books, lived by them, but I became a full fledged Harry Potter is the most important thing to have ever happened in the history of ever person until I got into the fandom on the internet, like a year and a half ago about the time I watched AVPM for the first time. It was with that play that I realized there were people like me. Actual living breathing people like me who loved Harry Potter like I loved Harry Potter, and there wasn't anything wrong with that. I believed them to me a myth, these people like me. My friends all thought I was a freak, that I took the books too seriously, no one understood. Until I saw Darren Criss sitting on that suitcase at the beginning of AVPM, I figured I would never find "my people" (you know what I mean by that, you guys basically).

But the Harry Potter Fandom was just what opened the door.

If you've been following this blog for a while, or happen to be following me on Twitter, you know that I recently "discovered" Doctor Who (I was told to watch this show when I was in high school, but never did. It was not until my internet friends pushed me that why that I did).  This show, OMG this show. I would not have ever thought to watch it, without the internet, now, I feel like I have no idea what my life was without it. That fandom is fairly intertwined with the Harry Potter fandom, at least, in my experience, with my group of friends. It's been fun to be a part of something, like it with people. People I may not know, people who can't sit in the same room as me and watch it, but still, they're watching it with me, from wherever they are.

It is through this internet, mainly Tumblr, Tumblr has A LOT to do with how much of freak I am, really (I say "freak" I mean "awesome"). I got netflix because of Tumblr, mostly to watch Doctor Who, and SKINS (SKINS! OMG why isn't American TV a faction as awesome as British Television?) and because I have the subscription I might as well watch, well, everything. So now I'm watching Merlin, and tomorrow I'm going to buy the Arthur legend book, because I get confused easily (and everything I know about the Arthur legend is from the Disney Movie "The Sword and the Stone," and Disney movies aren't exactly known for their accuracy in story telling.). It's so interesting!

I used to think myself as a relatively "normal" person with a slightly "unhealthy" obessession with a children's book, but slowly, recently I've discovered who I'm supposed to be. I kind of wish I had gotten into the internet sooner, like when my friends did. That I had been into youtube earlier, started watching the vlogbrother sooner, learned who I was sooner.

But hey, isn't that what you're early twenties are for? Finding yourself?

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because I have the awesomest friends in the world, IRL and in this box I type things into.

Books read: 1
Just finished reading: Dirty Little Secrets by C.J. Omololu
3 out of 5 Stars

Sometimes I just feel SO OLD

Last night, I went to the graduation of a good friend of mine's little sister. When I graduated, she was in 7th grade, and high school graduations make me feel old anyway. I mean, I graduated five years ago, but it seems like so much has happened in those five years. All of a sudden my friends are married and have babies, there was a girl there that I graduated with who was pregnant with what I think is her third child, and she's been married for almost five years. It's weird, but in a small town like the one I grew up I guess it's not that unusual to have a larger percent of people that get married young and start families while people are still in college. That particular pregnant high school classmate's husband, also a fellow class of 05-er, is in the military, so I kind of feel their life is in a fast forward mode that other people aren't.

ANYWAY, the friend which I was watching her sister graduate, I haven't seen this friend in four years, since she graduated from high school. In that time she's moved fourteen hours away, married a guy that I haven't met, but seems really amazing, and now she has a 4 month old daughter, whom I met yesterday, which honestly is why I went to the graduation.

After the graduation I walked around looking for our High School English Teacher, who, as usual took off the second he wasn't needed anymore and was home before we left the soccer field, because he @replied me on twitter before we got to Applebees. She, my friend, wanted High School English Teacher to met her daughter, but alas, since he has magical powers, he missed out. I was holding the baby and a different English Teacher came over to talk to us and in a mildly funny moment said. "Oh my God De Cooley is that your baby?" My brother is Facebook Friends with her, I feel my brother would relay this information to her if it was true. We also live in a small town, she would have known before I showed up at graduation with an infant, but anyway, I was like "nope it's her's." I enjoyed that moment, just for the look on that English teacher's face.

I went to Applebees with 3 friends after graduation, so that we could catch up with the friend we hadn't seen in years and talk about the silly stuff we always talked about, like "Life To-Do Lists," which include things like meeting the cast of Harry Potter, and telling better jokes; and life Not-To-Do lists, like being pregnant twins and stealing sperm from dead people to have zombie babies.

As you, blog reader, know, I tend to feel, especially lately after moving back home, that I don't have any, or many friends, last night, for the first time in a while I felt like I really did have people. They weren't people that I hung out with a lot in high school, in truth, I became better friends with one of these girls after high school, more to going to STF than anything, in another is really my little brother's friend, but sitting there eating and drinking lemonade and talking until they closed, I felt like I did back then, back when I knew I had friends and people to talk to.

My friend took the train back early this morning, but I do have a picture of her and her beautiful little daughter, and I've been promised daily text messages with pictures of the baby so I can watch her grow up from far away, but I know I'll get to see her during her sister's spring break next year, and if it's anything like last night was, it will be like no time has past, the way friendship should be.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because I have the Sims 3 to make friends live next door to me in my video game world.

Books read: 32
Currently Reading: A Prayer for Owen Meany (needless to say: ReRead.)

NaNo time

Now that it's the 3rd of November, I feel I should write a blog about NaNoWriMo.

So far I'm on target for making it through, but just barely. I have to have a really good writing day soon and just completely pwn this story.

This story is kind of difficult, because I've been working on Universe for so long that I trying to write something else, something I know kind of sucks and doesn't have much delvopment yet, is really difficlult. I hope I can really figure it out. I've been tempted to erase and start over several times. But that's the pressure of NaNo.

I'm writng with my roommate, and she's never really sat down and written before, so it's intersting. At least this year there is a person in the room to bounce stuff off of. I kind of want to go to the write-in tomorrow, but I'm not supposed to be in Barnes and Noble, and I have class. So I'll try to figure that out.

I've felt kind of weird latley, and I don't know why. I think I'm upset with the lack of committment some people are showing in an ongoing project, and how, even though it's not the single most important thing in people's lives, they're treating it like it's not important at all. We all signed on to see it through to the end, to actually try. It sucks that I'm the only one even mildly intersted in finishing the project. I'm honestly thinking about not be bothered to do my part this week, or next week, or ever again. I'm starting to not care about it because no one else cares about it. It was my idea, my baby, I created it, and now I'm just watching it die and theres no way I can save it it.

I was sick last week and let Noelles run THES because I wasn't going to make it there, and it went smoother and they got more done than they ever had when I'm running the show. I feel like I'm not needed. Like I'm already being replaced. I don't like it. I don't want to be the person that can be replaced with a better version at any moment.

Anyways, I have to get ready to go to class, well at least try to make it to lunch with my friends. I think that's part of my thing, I really miss my friends. I mean, their right down the street, and I try to see them as much as possible, but I don't get to see them like I want, or used to.

 AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

If you can think of a reason that today is awesome, let me know.

This is a fake blog

I realized that I speak in a weird code when I'm blogging, and I feel that since more than one person is now **hopefully** reading this, that I should maybe explain the code.

This code is mainly dealing with my friends and their names. I don't really like says "Kimmy and I did this today.." because maybe Kimmy doesn't want her life all over the Internet. So I have come up with a mildly complex system of talking about my friends without saying there names, below is a code decoder:


George/ Georgie: My best friend/twin brother/editor (she's awesome)

JenJen: is Jen. she has a blog it's here: http://www.ilessthanthreeyouu.blogspot.com

video game boys (lower case): the group of boys that I hang out with on a regular basis, they play video games, like a lot

Video Game Boy (capitalized) the one video game boy that I hang out with more often than the other ones and started calling him that before I named the group

Video Game Boy's Girlfriend: I think this one is self explanatory

The Lorax: a girl in our play that is also in our group of friends

The Lorax's boyfriend: again self explanatory

Keith: is really a girl, we just call her that

OR: Keith's boyfriend

The mustached one: one of the video game boys

The Nurse: the mustached one's girlfriend.

Thursday: is Thursday in our collab channel on youtube

Yea, I really don't want to do this.

But since I got to, yesterday and today sucked.

Part of it was brought on myself, which I know, because I do this kind of thing a lot. It comes with not having friends as a kid, so when I get them I tend to try everything to push them away.
This however started as someone else's issue.

Yesterday was a friends 21st birthday. Since he doesn't drink, I thought it would be cute if we got some sparkling cider and have fake cocktails in celebration. The boys took him out to a movie, and I, along with two other friends were going to set up at about 11 before they boy got back. There wasn't really much to do, just display some cupcakes and pour drinks. One of the boys was going to text me when they were on there way back so we weren't waiting with cupcakes sitting out.

When I went down stairs after the text, I was told at the door to "Go away."

So I did. I take "Go away" as telling me that I'm not wanted and shouldn't come back. So I didn't plan to, and went upstairs to cry, because that's what I do.

Then someone who had nothing to do with the party, kept texting me telling me to come down. I knew I wasn't wanted down there, so I said no. Which just got everyone pissed.

Today, I just want to be alone. I just want to be away from people who told me that I wasn't allowed at a party that was partly my idea.

I also have 140 page paper due on Thursday that I only have 95 pages written of, because it wasn't supposed to be due until next Thursday. These people came and banged on my door, and demanded I come drink with them.

My life isn't all drinking, and it's never going to be. I have to look out to my future, and this novel is my future. I know what's best for me, and it's not going to where I will feel unwanted and just leave there crying.

But anyway, now everyone hates me and I once again have no friends, but all the props and sets for the play their putting on is in my car. So yea.

and that is the end of the story

Today is awesome because I managed to fix my ipod by myself.

arg!

So I have some dilemmas, the first is kind of an academic one. Mostly by the 30th of April I have to have a 140 page novel written, of which I've written 77 pages. So yea, I'm mostly stuck on where to go from the point that I'm at.
The book is mildly based on my emotional feelings, and at this point in the story, my main character has sort of passed my current emotional feelings, so I don't really know where to go next. It's hard to explain without giving away major moments of the book, and since I want to, like, do something with it eventually, I feel giving away major plot points may be a bad idea.

Secondly, is phone calls. My friend Jen, who currently is the only subscriber to this blog, keeps calling me to talk about important things. I as a friend, want to talk to her about these important things, because she did the same thing for me, however, I'm always hanging out with my friends, or at wal-mart,or a very special episode of House is on (I thought it was a repeat this week, but it wasn't. It was an important episode as far as television show episodes go), or sleeping when she calls and I feel bad because I can't have a regular conversation about what's going on. And I feel bad, and like a bad friend.
I mean I'm not trying to be a bad friend, I want to be there, but it's like I also feel bad saying no to my other friends that also want me around, and to convince them that washing your hair with bar soap isn't good. But I also need to be there for Jen in her time of need. And I'm kind of being a jerk to her, and I don't want to be. :( I is sorry Jen. I will call you later.

I've never been in the position where I have more that like 3 friends at a time, so friend time management isn't a skill I possess. When I had 3 friends we all hung out together, and only really hung out when we were at school or volleyball. Now I'm 22 and most of my friend live in the same building as me. And trying to make it so that I don't upset people by making plans with everyone when one friend really needs me and I don't want to be a jerk to my other friends that I'm physically hanging out with by talking to my other friend on the phone. And they get mad when they know I'm just sitting alone in my room doing nothing. But I'm normally not doing nothing because I have to write 70 pages in the next month!!! If I wasn't so damn weird in high school...

Thirdly, I really want a kitten, but the people I will be living with next year, are allergic to cats.

In an unrelated area... why do boys think its okay to wash their hair with bar soap? Seriously?
Why doesn't it occur to them that it's a bad idea? What do they think shampoo is for?

And that is the end of the story

Today is awesome because: I used body wash that smells like fruit loops today :)

I pushed a car today

Firstly, I saw Monsters v. Aliens with Georgie and Dave yesterday. It was awesome. An animated awesome with Seth Rogan and awesome. Go see it.

I lied about that other day that I said was the best day of vacation being the best day of vacation.

Because today, the last day of vacation that consisted mostly of driving and moving things up 2 flights of stairs was the best day of vacation.

Mostly because I, with help from a boy that weighs about 16lbs and talks constantly about Pokemon and a leprechaun (I can say this about them because they are my friends), pushed a car across a parking lot. I got to work my overweight, out-of-shape car pushing muscles in flip flops while the jocks laughed at us.

Pushing a jeep across the Bartlett Hall lobby is about 95% awesomer than painting cardboard boxes in the rain in a shed filled with things that look like they could seriously harm me if I bumped into them.

Why was this the best day of vacation?

Because I got to hang out with my friends, and there was stuffing for dinner!!!

Thanksgiving Breakfast

I sat there alone in the cafeteria sipping a luke warm cup of coffee, when slowly they all started to appear over half wall at the far end. I'd already eaten my breakfast. But I figured I had nothing else to do all day, so I might as well wait for my friends, a little conversation never killed anyone.

I waited patiently for everyone to get their eggs, bacon, toast, and pancakes, and make their way over to the second to last booth by the windows.

"I think we're going to need two tables. Help me pull this over."

I did what I was asked, and one friend and I sat at the edge of the booth, looking and feeling rather awkward at our giant table. Slowly our giant table filled up with friends and girlfriends of friends, that in our group had become friends themselves, maybe even better friends than their boyfriends were.

We squeezed eighteen people into our table. The booth were I sat normally held eight, but now somehow comfortably fit ten. We smiled and laughed. My friends ate their cheese filled eggs and I sipped my cold coffee.

As I looked over the table, all my friends lined up, I thought about how amazing this was. A year ago I would have been sitting alone, watching in envy as these people ate with two tables pushed together. But now I was a part of it.

I've become one of the popular kids.

Not the kind that plays sports or goes to big parties every night, but the kind that has what the high school popular kids never had.

Friends.

Movie day!

Last night was amazingly fun.

There was a carnival at school with a band (stepanian, who is pretty awesome i recommend Ituning them), a bouncy house, an air filled race-y thing and cotton candy. It was amazing. I won a sampler CD from the band and got to talk to the members for a little bit it was awesome.

Then my friends and I played Apples to Apples and ate pizza til like midnight and then I came back to my room to be the sober kid at the crazy party in my room. I didn't like baby-sitting when I was a kid, I'm not that much of a fan know. But all and all it was a pretty awesome day.

Today I watched movies with Noelles (Donnie Darko and Eternal Sunshine). So far it's been a pretty awesome weekend. And tomorrow were watching The Dark Knight because Noelles hasn't see it yet. But hopefully we can get a big group of us together. It would be fun. I miss movie nights.

Well I haven't written any of From the Center of Our Universe today, so I should get off to doing that.

And that is the end of the story

Novel Hatred

So I've been working on this novel since I was in 6th or 7th grade. I don't mean like actually writing it, I've been toying with the idea since I was 12 or 13. Well I've really started writing for a class, because I have to write a novel of some kind and I also really want to write this.

The thing is that it's a fairly decent novel so far, but I hate it, like hate it. But everyone I give it to really likes it. I know that writing is about what you think about the work but I just have a really hard thinking it's any good. I mean honestly its complete crap.

My prof wants me to read it in class, and I honestly can't bring myself to share the utter crap that I've written with other people. The class with basically praise anything so you can't really trust your peers to tell you what sucks about it. But I know it sucks and I don't want to share utter crap with people who wouldn't see it that way and actually tell you that its good.

I know my friends mean well when they say they like it, and honestly they most likely do like it, but I learned a long time ago that you can't always trust your friends opinions, if they like you they will like your work. One of my friends will tell me what is grammar is wrong with it, which is good I guess.

My other friend will tell me its great no matter what. I know she most likely honestly believes is fairly decent. I mean there is nothing really horrible about it; I just don't like it. It has a decent plot I guess, mildly believable. I don't know, I just don't think it's worth spending 5 hours a day on. I love my characters, I have since I first thought of them, I've grown up with them and changed them and developed them quite nicely, I just can't seem to make the story work in my head.

I don't know, I've been having a really weird week and this might just be part of it, but I haven't liked the story since like mid-January. Maybe I have to get to the part that I've been building up to before I start to like it. I don't know.