Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I'm currently reading Dreamlandby Sarah Dessen, and I keep coming across these amazing brilliant lines, just pieces of sheer genius. I know that this lines floated around in her head looking for the perfect moment to float out of her fingertips to the keyboard or flow out of her pen. I read them in complete awe of their amazing-ness.

When I read lines like that, I usually underline them, my copy Paper Towns by John Green is filled with thin pencil lines, my Maureen Johnson books are as well. The only books I have that are exempt from my pencil underlining rule are my Harry Potter books those remain pristine, minus the chocolate sauce stains that a chubby 11 year old can't help but cover the sides of the pages of books she's reading with.

Most of the time its a piece of writing that I find funny or brilliant, something that I want to replicate in someway for myself. I want to have the same impact on a future reader that these writers have on me. I picture some girl like me sometime in the distant future, someone I'll most likely never meet reading a book with my name on the cover with a pencil marking something that I wrote and saying "Jeez this is amazing."

I want to be able to create this more than anything in the world. I want to write something people can relate to, something people will want to read over and over, and something that people can quote. I know it's a silly thing to want but I want it.

I think this the reason I'm having such a hard time finding a job. I don't want to sit behind a desk all day doing some stupid job I can't stand. I never want to work retail again in my life. I don't want to have to work for someone I can't stand. The only job I can see myself enjoying is the one I worked last summer, working with MFB and writing. I want to spend hours on end alone in a room with Microsoft Word and twitter open typing away. I just wish there was a way I could get paid to make up ideas, to type away for several hours a day, to read and re-read and re-write and edit, all before a single soul before myself sees it (expect JenJen, since she's my editor).

I know it's an unlikely goal, an almost pointless mission to even try, but I want this more than anything I've wanted in my entire life. And what sucks is that I can't write where I live now. I can't write in my parents house. I can't. Someone is always around, asking questions, making me do something, thinking I'm not doing anything but messing around on the computer when I'm not, I'm working. It's nothing they'd accept as work, but it's work, and hopefully, someday, it will all pay off.

today is awesome because I managed to get half a chapter written before I got too annoyed with my parents and had to stop.
Books read: 24
currently reading: Dreamland by Sarah Dessen
recently finished: Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Great Harry Potter Re-read of 2010

Last night I finished reading, for the second time in it's entirety, the Harry Potter series. I've read the first three books, probably five times a piece, and the fifth and sixth ones twice before starting this venture in the beginning of April (The fourth book annoys me, and I couldn't deal with Fred's death in the seventh).

I wanted to re-read them because I wanted to feel a part of something again. I wanted to feel like I did the first time I opened the cover of Sorcerer's Stone when I was 11. I wanted to feel like I missed out of something awesome when I didn't get my Hogwarts letter. I also wanted to pick up on things that I missed, to find the little bits of information JK Rowling left along the way so we could figure it out on our own before Harry did.

I walked back into these books knowing what was going to happen, hoping I could see something I didn't see before, able to connect the dots in earlier books that I hadn't before. I learned to look at Draco Malfoy not as some annoying little prat, but as a confused little kid looking for his parents approval. I didn't even find Harry and Ron as annoying as I did the first time through (Hermione, still annoying).

I remembered my reactions to different parts of the books. Reading the end of first book on my mom's friend Janet's living sofa while all the other kids played video games down stairs. Being very upset when I didn't get the 2nd and 3rd ones for Christmas from my parents, then sitting next to the Christmas tree at my aunt's house during dinner and reading half of Chamber of Secrets. Laying outside at camp reading Goblet of Fire with a group of 9 year old campers, and crying a little bit for Cedric Diggory. Sitting on the pull out sofa in my family room with a broken leg when Sirus died. Sitting under register 10 at Market Basket at 6:30 am when I was supposed to be pulling curtains reading Half Blood Prince, whipping the book at Reckless and saying "OMG I HATE THIS BOOK!!!" when Snape killed Dumbledore and wanted more than anything to call Brittany, who was in French camp and discuss. Sitting at stop lights reading Deathly Hallows and crying like my best friend got crushed with a wall in the KMart parking lot when Fred Weasley died, laughing when Mrs. Weasley called Bellitrix a bitch. Cursing Jo for naming that poor kid Albus Severus.

That is my childhood, this is why these books mean so much to me, these books are a bigger part of my life than I even imagined when I decided to re-read a month ago. I mean, I knew Harry Potter was important, I knew that it meant a lot to me. But now, looking back at this last month, I see that Harry Potter isn't just a book, it's never been just a book, as I'm sure everyone who has ever read them can tell you, Harry Potter is way of life. Harry Potter is something that you walk away from feeling like you've done something, like you defeated Voldemort, like you fought Bellitrix, like you were the one to bury Dobby.

JK Rowling gave us all a gift, and I'm glad I got to re-open it, re-enjoy it, re-love it. And I can't wait to do it again.


Books Read: 22
Last read: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows