Wednesday, August 17, 2011

So we kind of have an answer.

Firstly, I would like to thank Chris and Laura for you're kind words on yesterday's blog. It's nice to know that someone is listening. It meant a lot to me. Thank you.

I had a doctor's appointment today, and I sort of have an answer. I have either scarring in the deep tissue of my right inner ear, or something wrong with my nervous system/spinal cord. I have a clean MRI so we're starting on the simple things first. However, the medication for this is one that I always took for this issue, and all it does is make me tired, and when I'm tired I'm even more dizzy, so yeah for no real answers.

It's just so frustrating, because I told the doctor I already tried this medication, that it was the first one we tried, and he didn't care or listen. It sucks, not even people I'm paying to listen to me will listen to me.

Is it weird that I just want sit down with my manager and tell him this? because honestly, he's legit the only person who at least tries. He doesn't always act but he listens. I am going to be a very lost person when he leaves.

Last night was pretty funny, but I was honestly too upset to enjoy it like I usually do. How sad is that? The one thing I do that's supposed to make me happy, to be my release, couldn't even cheer me up.

Today is awesome because, well, I guess I kind of got some answers, not good ones, but it's something.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Because I matter.

The last few days I've felt really horrible, not health wise, but mental health wise. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, no one ever listens to me when I talk. I get lost in the shuffle, my requests get ignored, nobody seems to care what I think. I feel like a shadow most of the time. Like no one would notice if I wasn't there because no one notices when I am there.

Most of this comes from work, no matter where I've worked, I'll ask for something simple, no being scheduled on Tuesdays, being trained on the service desk, and I will be ignored. Completely ignored, time after time after time until I finally just give up and stop asking and watch as people who don't work as hard as I do, who don't deserve to have those opportunities, who haven't worked with the company as long as I have, get the simple things I want.

This happens at home too, which is why I spend most of my time, much like Harry Potter, alone in my room pretending I don't exist. It's just easier that way.

At work I'm just tired of being walked all over. I don't know if you remember the person I called "Abby" in a previous blog, but in a short recap, she's the one that decided it was okay to tell half the store I was sleeping with my manager because I told her the guy she liked was a tool and I wasn't going to be her friend if she kept talking about him. (It's a bit more complicated, but that's the basics.) Abby started working in the store in November, I started in August of last year. She has gotten trained on the service desk even though she claims that she doesn't want to learn and just wants to transfer out of the front end and wants nothing to do with it. But Deanna, who's been asking to be trained over there longer than Abby's worked there can't get over there for a couple hours. It's not fair, and not matter how often I go to my manager and complain and ask I get empty promises and maybe next weeks from him.

I just kind of let everything out last night, just everything that I was feeling about the situation and how I'm tired of being ignored and looked at like a joke and laughed at when I want something simple, and I completely broke down and cried like an idiot in front of him. I just can't take being ignored anymore, and I know he's not doing in on purpose I've seen him try and work with the CSMs to get me trained over there, he's done it so that I'm able to hear him when he talks to them so I know he's doing it. But the CSMs think it's just some kind of funny joke that I'm not in on.

This isn't just about my job, it's about everything, canceled plans every time I make them, promises that never get kept, I'm so tired of it. I'm exhausted, and I'm constantly dizzy, I don't know what's wrong with me and I just want one person who cares.

I'm sick of being laughed at. I'm sick of being a joke I don't understand. I'm sick of being ignored. I'm sick of being replaced. I'm sick of being forgotten. I'm sick of everything. I just want one person to care about me. And the harder I look for that the more impossible it seems.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Want to hear an embarrassing story?

This is going to be super short because I just got home from work and honestly I really want to play the sims.

Today at work, I was in the bathroom and I ripped the front of my pants, like the entire front of my pants right next to the zipper. So I borrowed my supervisors sweatshirt and she let me go out to the clearance tent until my lunch since it’s a lot less awkward to have a giant hole in your pants when no ones around. 
She was talking to me over the walkie, and my Manager decided that he should make sure I was okay because of my vertigo. So he came out to the tent, but he was not alone, he brought another manager with him. So there are two managers in the clearance tent, and I have exposed underpants (covered by a sweatshirt but still super awkward). 
And that was my wonderful day today.
today was awesome because my register didn't have any buttons. It was hilarious. 

Friday, August 12, 2011

I'm a rambler

I wish I could blog about real things, like stuff going on in the real world things. It's not like they don't care about them, but I I don't really form opinions about them. I mean bad things happen all the time and my friends tell me about them and they're outraged, and I'm like, "some creepy old guy asked me if I was married today."
(that actually happened today btw he asked if I was married and then started to talk to me about the price of potatoes, it was so weird.)

What I want to talk about is the cat bite on my arm and how I do not like my brother, and the how nice it is to have more than one friend. I've never really had anyone to sit in the break room with on a regular basis, it's kind of cool, but imagine this, he's leaving too.

I do not deal well with change, I'm barely used to the status quo. This next month is going to suck. I'll probably have a nervous breakdown at some point because the new manager doesn't run things like our manager does. I mean, it's going to take forever to have the "look at you and know what's wrong" type of relationship with this new person. And that's if this person even likes me, which they probably won't. Most people think I'm weird and don't really talk to me. This is why I'm excited that I have two friends. The raptor is going get so much worse when our manager leave, and everyone has been saying that they think it will go away.

And this cat bite, it's oozing puss and big and red and my dad says it's fine but he cut his thumb off once and taped it back on with duct tape, so he might be a bad person to seek medical advice from.

My brother, well, that's a whole different blog post, maybe later.

Today is awesome because my Store Manager said hello to me, and I started raptoring and he was laughing to hard to explain to the other store managers touring our store today what just happened.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

In which Deanna complains about her job.

Since I work at the same place as my mother and all my friends, I find it very difficult to rage appropriately about things, unless I'm raging, you know, at my manager. He's really good at understand that sometimes I just have to rage. So this is going to be a rage filled blog.

Firstly, yesterday, it was announced that our Manager, was promoted, and will be transferring stores, and that the front end supervisor was basically fired. So we're going to have to break in two new front end people in a matter of weeks. Most of the front end doesn't really like our manager because he's kind of a lot immature, and 24, and he somehow found himself in charge of 50 or so mostly female cashiers and service desk people and he kind of can't deal with it. And most of us aren't very nice to him. But as mentioned in previous blog posts, he's always been nice to me and tends to go out of his way to make sure I'm okay and not going to fall and kill myself. The front end has had a pretty easy time with him in control and honestly, the second he's gone I have a feeling everyone's going to start talking about how they miss him.

ANYWAY, that's not what I'm mad about. I tend to not think before I say things, and one of my friends posted that he was leaving on my facebook wall, it's not a secret by any stretch of the imagination that I think our manager is attractive, an idiot, but attractive. Less than ten seconds after my friend posted on my wall I got a message from a girl I work with asking how I knew about this already since I wasn't at work today and why I always seem to know things that happen to and about our manager before anyone else because she was getting annoyed with how close we are.

I wasn't really sure how to respond so I mostly told her there isn't anything going on and if there was I wouldn't tell her anyway. So it's kind of a good thing that he's leaving soon, so we don't have to go through that fun-ness again, because it was awkward enough the first time. I hate rumor spreaders. So what if I'm friends with him? So what if he comes over my register and asks me how my doctor's appointment went that week? I don't understand why this is important to people. I'm sorry I'm friends with someone who is the same age I am who has similar interests, oh he just happens to be my boss and he's hott. Who cares? Apparently everyone.

I'm not done raging. I have been asking to be trained on the desk since November, I'm supposed to start "Next Week" (it's in quotes because I don't know if he mean actual next week or the next schedule that comes out next week.). I was just sitting in the break room with one of the CSM's and my friend that works service desk. My friend asked me when she would be training me and I said "Next week." The CSM then flips her shit at me telling me that she didn't know that and that our manager needed to tell the CSMs that before promising me anything.

In my head I was like, whoa, back up bitch. You know I want to be over there, you're the one who suggested it. Do not yell at me because our manager didn't clear it with you first.

Outwardly I was like, *shrug*.

Some days I just really hate my job.

Today is awesome because I convinced my friend that tomato plants are actually celery sticks.

Books read 13
Currently reading GOF

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

This is going to be short.

I'm super dizzy, and kind of regretting not going to the trivia last night. I mean the improv was awesome as always, but that's just the thing, as always. Who knows what could have been? I took the road always traveled.

Anyway, I had to stay home from work because of dizziness but I received news that my Manager is transferring stores. I feel weird about this, and I don't really know how to explain it. I mean, it's going to take a really long time to break in a new manager the way I have broken in my current manger.

so I need to go lay down again. I will talk to you again tomorrow.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Time to hear about my doctor's appointment.

London/ all of England is currently on fire, I'm worried for the people there, but I don't know enough to comment on it, so I'm not going to. I just hope people stay safe.

As I once again type while curled into a ball of dizziness. This time I kind of have a reason. I spent my morning at a forty five degree angle, head down, blindfolded, while a doctor blew air into my ears and asked me to name states. It was horrible.

Then I tired to work, and apparently my eyes rolled into the back of my head, so the service desk girl, whom I'm friends with, walked me out back, but before she did she basically yelled across the front end that she could always call the front end manager to walk me out back it I would like that better. Just when I was hoping that was over, whatever, it's kind of funny now, I just kind of wish she'd stop referring to him as my boyfriend, because it's a little awkward.

Anyway I made it through about 3 hours of my shift until I explained what happened at my doctor's appointment (and my eyes kept rolling into the back of my head) and my manager said "You should go home, I don't want you do die at Walmart." Almost got him to drive me home, but then he had to do work, or something.

I find out on next Wednesday what/if anything is wrong with me. I will of course keep you posted.

Today is awesome because I'm one step closer to answers.

Books read: 13
Currently reading: Goblet of Fire

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Deanna likes to copy people.

Because I have nothing to blog about, I'm going to do the book meme that fellow BEDA-er The Antisocial librarian  has been posting this week. I am, however, far too lazy to link all the books like she did, so I'm not going to do that...
I know I did not blog yesterday, I was at a cookout, then I kind of couldn't move (vertigo) I do have a doctor's appointment tomorrow which should fix this. I hope

Day 01 – Best book you read last year: 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. This book was just so wonderfully written. I connected so much to Hannah, I just really can't explain how excellent this book is. If you haven't read it, read it now, seriously.                                                                                                                                  

Day 02 – A book that you’ve read more than 3 times: Catcher in the Rye. I love this book, and it was assigned reading in, literally, every literature class It took in college, as well as two of my high school classes. I think normal people would, you know, hate this book at this point, but I gladly picked it up an re-read it over and over.

Day 03 – Your favorite series: I want to say HARRY POTTER! but everyone says Harry Potter, so I'm going with my number two favorite, which is the Jessica Darling series by Megan McCafferty. LOVE
Day 04 – Favorite book of your favorite series: Charmed Thirds. It covers Jessica's college years, and when I read it the first time it was exactly where I was in life. I read this book in, like, 7 hours the first time.

Day 05 – A book that makes you happy: The Harry Potter Series. All of them

Day 06 – A book that makes you sad: I have never cried more than when reading Deathly Hallows, so Deathly Hallows

Day 07 – Most underrated book: Ever heard of Bitterroot Landing by Sheri Reynolds? It was recommended to me by my literature teacher in college, she said that she was thinking of using in in her coming of age literature class, which I had just taken. Brilliant book, there's a lot of sexual abuse and really weird shit that happens in it, but I really think it needs more people to read it, because it's wonderful. 

Day 08 – Most overrated book: Unless you count the Twilight Series, I don't think there is really an actual overrated book, so I'm going to take this and name a book that is overrated by my friends. Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin, I mean, I like it, but it wasn't exactly an amazing book. It's gotten a lot of praise and several of my friends say it's, like, the best book ever, but I don't really get it.

Day 09 – A book you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving: Breakfast of Champions of Kurt Vonnegut. This book was handed to me because I was complaining about not having anything to read. I remember saying "I'll read this, but I won't like it." Then read the whole thing in like three hours because I loved it so much.

Day 10 – Favorite classic book: The Hobbit. Does that count? DOES NOW

Day 11 – A book you hated: My friend wanted me to read the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton, couldn't. I don't know if it was the subject matter or what, I mean it was written well, but I just couldn't stand it.

Day 12 – A book you used to love but don’t anymore: I love all books always. I can't really think of one that I've re-read and didn't like a second time.

Day 13 – Your favorite writer: Maureen Johnson.

Day 14 – Favorite book of your favorite writer: The Bermudez Triangle

Day 15 – Favorite male character: Neville Longbottom, also probably Owen Meany from A Prayer for Owen Meany.

Day 16 – Favorite female character: Luna Lovegood.

Day 17 – Favorite quote from your favorite book: I'm doomed to remember the boy with the wrecked voice-- not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument in my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God.

Day 18 – A book that disappointed you: Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin

Day 19 – Favorite book turned into a movie: I try not to watch books made from movies because the books are ALWAYS BETTER but Chamber of Secrets.

Day 20 – Favorite romance book: I have never read a romance novel, so I'm going to be all I don't have one.

Day 21 – Favorite book from your childhood: Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I LOVED these books as a kid.

Day 22 – Favorite book you own: A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving

Day 23 – A book you wanted to read for a long time but still haven’t: So I've never read the Lord of the Ring trilogy. I mean I own it, but I haven't read it... I feel like a horrible book nerd.

Day 24 – A book that you wish more people would’ve read: Bitterroot Landing by Sheri Reynolds. READ IT NOW

Day 25 – A character who you can relate to the most: Hannah from Thirteen Reasons Why. I have never related to a character as much as her.

Day 26 – A book that changed your opinion about something: I'm going to say Harry Potter, because it's changed so much about my life that I wouldn't be the same person without reading it. It changed everything.

Day 27 – The most surprising plot twist or ending: Prisoner of Azkaban. Even knowing the ending, still surprised.

Day 28 – Favorite title: Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler, I picked it up because of the title, ended up being a pretty awesome book.

Day 29 – A book everyone hated but you liked: Separate Peace by John Knowels. I read it in a lit class, everyone else legit hated it and nothing nice to say. I read it three times, and each time, I loved it. I don't know why my classmates didn't like it.

Day 30 – Your favorite book of all time: A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving. It changed my life almost as much as Harry Potter. It saved me. This book, honestly I can't say enough about it.

Today is awesome because someone told me that the best way to relieve the vertigo is to lay with my hips above my head. I am totally telling my manager this tomorrow, just to see the look on his face. 
Books read: 13
currently reading: Goblet of Fire

Friday, August 5, 2011


I have mentioned Aidan several times in my blog before, but I know it's been a while, so I'm going to reintroduce him.

Aidan is a customer that I met the day after his 7th birthday. He was buying Prisoner of Azkaban with his birthday money and basically told me that he got picked on a lot at school for liking to read and I told him that I would be his friend. That is in, like, October, November, something like that. Every time he's in the store with his mom, they try to come through my line so he can tell me how far along he is in the HP series, and his mom calls me his girlfriend. It's kind of adorable.

Today he found me, and he said that he'd just finished reading Half Blood Prince. He was very angry at Professor Snape (Dumbledore was his favorite character). He hasn't started reading Deathly Hallows yet, but he's very excited to see Harry "murder Snape's face off."

I love the little moments that Aidan talks about every time I see him. I miss that, I miss not knowing and looking forward to each page turn. I'm re-reading the series now, and yeah, every time I read it it's more amazing and some how better than it was before, but it will never be like it is for Aidan now. And I'm really sad about that.

I mean, I'll never be as excited about anything as I was excited about Harry Potter. I'm just starting to come out the denial stage after the last movie. I'm just sad that somehow, nothing will ever be the same ever be the same again.

I mean I'm sure they'll be moments in my life that better than Harry, but nothing will ever do what Harry did for me. No person has ever been there for me like Harry has, and I doubt I will ever care about anyone as much as I care about those books. It's strange really to think about, but it just feels so weird to feel the end.

Because of the faces that people make when you ask them to come to work on Monday just in case you have to get your head cut open because you don't want to explain it to anyone else.

Books read: 12
Currently reading: HP POA

Thursday, August 4, 2011

In which Deanna talks Sims.

Know what's awesome? Sims Medieval.

I play a lot of Sims, mostly because I have few real life friends and I enjoy killing my enemies (only fictionally of course I recently threw Jake Ryan in to the pit to be eaten by the Beast that lives under my kingdom for no reason. I mean, I had a reason, but it wasn't like his Sim did anything wrong. He was a good Blacksmith). Anyway, in March, I bought the Sims Medieval, and besides that fact that my computer likes to delete my games about half way through ambitions, it's quite a lot of fun, and better than regular Sims.

Have any of you played it?

I feel like it's less addicting than regular Sims, because there's specific tasks that make it easier to stop. I like that you can play as different people of different classes and I enjoy that I can play several families at once, and that I don't have to teach toddlers how to walk or potty train them.

The reason I've decided to make a mostly pointless blog post about the Sims is because I've been playing it since I got home from work, and no matter how often I play it, I always think, this game is so much more awesome than other Sims, and I felt the need to share that.

Today is awesome because I got to hang out with my friends in the break room today. It's always awesome to hang out with my friend.

Books read: 12
Currently reading: HP POA


Already missed a day?

Yes I did, which means you'll be getting two blogs from me today. Sorry about that.

I spent most of yesterday asleep due to extreme dizziness, so there wasn't really anything to blog about, and at about 11:30 I remembered it was August and I had to blog anyway but at that point I was almost asleep, so yeah... laziness is mostly why you didn't hear from Deanna yesterday.

Chris said that he wasn't really sure what Stranger than Fiction was, and since I'll probably be talking about it a lot in August I'm going to try to explain it better.
It's like that show "Who's Line is it Anyway" only with more audience involvement, and a personal connection with the actors, which makes the show funnier. They also play different games, and do long form improv which since I don't do improv, I can't really explain, but that's the basics. I hope that helps. 

And Now I Shall Steal a favorites list for Paige. 

Color: Green

Book: A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

Movie: Back to the Future

Harry Potter Book: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Harry Potter Character: Neville Longbottom

Website: Probably Tumblr

Animal: Armadillo

Class: The best classes I ever took were 11th grade English, and Creative Writing

TV Show: Doctor Who

Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chip cookie dough

Clothing Store: I shop at Kohls a lot, but I don't really have a favorite

Food: Macaroni and cheese

Pizza Topping: Pepperoni 

Musical: I haven't really ever seen a musical that wasn't written and performed by the Starkids, so I'm just going to say A Very Potter Musical... 

Song Currently Stuck In Your Head: Sadly enough, Friday, but the version that Alex Carpenter and Co did, because I do not have Rebecca Black on my Ipod.

Wrock Song: Save Ginny Weasely from the Basilisk- Harry and the Potters

Today is awesome because, well yesterday was awesome because I finally got a doctor's appointment!

Books read: 12
Currently reading: Prisoner of Azkaban

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The only woman in space wants a sex change to make it with a robot.

Firstly, I wanted to say that I'm magical now. I am officially registered for POTTERMORE and my username is Leviosakey155, I'm a little bit more than regular excited about this.

I went to Stranger than Fiction (STF) tonight, and it was awesome. They do this long form game which is a rumble and fight to the death. This probably makes no sense if you haven't seen it, and I'm kind of horrible at explaining things, especially improv things. This rumble took place in space, and included space water, gravity boots, and a robot that only cared about military status and ranking, but somehow ended up being re-programmed to be gay, and the only woman left in space toward the end of the rumble wanted a sex changed preformed by Stephen Hawking so that the robot would love/ have sex with her.

Honestly, that's pretty much par for the course at Stranger than Fiction shows.

In health news, today was like a 6 in dizziness, but a 8 in raptor noise anxiety.

Did I tell you about the raptor? I don't think I did, I have an anxiety disorder that causes me to make a noise very similar to the raptors in the Jurassic Park movies, which has also been described as an eagle noise. It's kind of annoying, and happens pretty much all the time, especially at work and extra at STF. Today, however, it was extra bad because there was a thunder storm, and I was rather dizzy so I was freaking out about that. I have way too many health issues at the moment. *eye roll*

I have added everyone on the list to my subscriptions and I look forward to reading your blogs for the next 30 days. :) Happy BEDA everyone.

Today is awesome because a gravity boot is like a glass, except it's a boot.

Books read: 12
Currently reading: Prisoner of Azkaban

Monday, August 1, 2011

Hello August!

Hi, fellow BEDA writers, welcome to August.

I promise to go through all the people on the BEDA list and follow their blogs, but today that's kind of too much for me. I have vertigo (it basically means I'm constantly dizzy which sucks about 300x worse than you're thinking it does) which right now is really horrible and making it very difficult to sit up, let alone type, so I apologize for the shortness of this post.

I look forward to reading the blogs of the people I met through this last year, and meeting new bloggers.

I'm going to do a quick introduction like thing, if you have any questions or just want to know anything about me, leave a comment and I will get back to you tomorrow.

Who are you?
I am Deanna, I'm 24, and I currently live in Southern New Hampshire

Why are you doing this?
Maureen Johnson told me do, and frankly, I do everything Maureen tells me to do.

Why will I be reading for the next 31 days?
I blog mostly about my life, which is boring, very boring. Unlike last year, however, I have friends now! and a job! so my life isn't quite as boring, but there is only so much I can tell you about the inter-workings of being a Walmart cashier.

My manager is an interesting person, however, so expect to hear about him a lot.

I will also probably, depending on what everyone else does, post meme's and such to keep it interesting.

Also on Tuesdays I go to an improv show, only, if you are a regular reader of the blog you'll understand this, there will be a lot less talking about Jake Ryan, because Jake Ryan is a jerkface with an apparently secret girlfriend, but on Tuesdays expect excitement about improv and on Wednesdays expect hand spams of what happened the night before.

Hogwarts House:
I am a Slytherin.

Anything else?
At the end of my blog I always have a "how many books I've read this year" and a "currently reading" as well as a "why today was awesome". I'm really far behind my goal for reading this year, mostly due to work, being sick, and my work schedule... I also end every blog post with the phrase "AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY" because I love John Irving novels.

Today is awesome because glaring at my Manager is just as effective, if not more, than talking to him.

Books read: *cough* 11 *cough
Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.