why I've been away

Because I think it's about time you should know.

I hide little of my life from the internet, especially you guys, the people who care enough about my stupid, lonely, life to read my blog and even feel the need to comment on it occasionally, which makes me feel better about my sad, lonely, pathetic life. There is a reason I confide so much in the internet, to people I barely know, because I don't make friends in real life easily and when I do, I have either a very hard time keeping them because they don't actually like me, or I let them walk all over me until I'm broken and basically nothing of me is me anymore.

Right now I have a really good friend, like the best friend I've ever had,Q. She's not trying to change me, she gets me, and she actually likes me. It's kind of a miracle, really. At the same time, I have or rather had, a friend who is very similar to the best friend I had in high school, the one that would take everything I wanted, everything I had and ruin it for me. This new girl, I'll call her Abby, because I say so, is literally making my life impossible to live.

I guess I must start at the beginning, since that's the logical place to start. I don't recall if I talked about this in my blog before or not, but in November or December, a guy I work with a lot now but didn't work with at all then, throw a whole bunch of signs at me while I was standing at my locker. Why? Because, well, he's an idiot, and adorable idiot, but still. I did not know this gentleman's name, so when I went and told my two friends, Q and Abby, about this event, I called him "the cute one."  Notice how I said "the cute one," and not "Guy I wish to sleep with," or "guy I now have an undying love for." Just "the cute one."

Q, because she's, you know, normal, knew about whom I was speaking and almost sort of agreed that he was sort of attractive. Abby believed that I had a huge obnoxious crush on this guy, which in all honesty, I did for a short time. However, I did come to my senses and realize that I will only ever love Jake Ryan. I mean, I have I love Jake Ryan socks, you can't really get more hard core.

FAST FORWARD TO A MONTH AGO.
Idiot sign thrower guy now writes my schedule, and is the front end manager also known as my manager. I should also mention although it has no relevance to the story, that I have 3 months older than him. He's still adorable btw, and I will not lie, I greatly enjoy staring at him, because he is pretty. I DO NOT however, want him. There is something else, I talk to him. I can actually form words and have conversations with him, which if you've known me for more than 10 minutes you know that the fact that I am able to form coherent sentences and look at his face while I talk to him means I'm not in love with him.


I'm pretty sure at this point you're reading this thinking, Deanna, you've pointed out about 800 times that you don't love this guy, clearly meaning you do. NO. I'm getting there. I just want to make it clear that I don't love him.

Because it's kind of funny, I just kind of go with things that people say sometimes, and the "Deanna has a crush on our manger" thing was just ridiculous enough to be funny so I just went with it. Honestly it only got annoying when Abby told me that she had a hard time looking at him because of the things I've said about him, which in it's entirety includes: that one time I said he was cute, and one time I jokingly said I was distracted by his presence because I said a lady's total wrong while he was standing next to me. Does he come up in regular conversation? Yeah he does, a lot. You're just going to kind of believe me when I say that if you worked with this kid, you'd talk about him a lot too. If the amount people talk about him equals love, then I know a bunch of sixty year old ladies who are head over heels for a twenty-four year old guy.

Quick side story that is completely related to this story and it will make sense in a few paragraphs I promise:

I spend a ridiculous amount of time at Wal Mart. I live in the same town I work in. The Wal Mart was built when I was junior in high school. It's kind of the local hang out. If you walk around this Wal Mart, I could point to at least 15 people I either graduated with or were the year above or below me in high school in that store at any given point. And it's not just my class, it's something that still goes on with recent high school kids. there is nothing else to do in our town but hang out at Wal Mart. If I didn't work there, I would be spending as much time there as I do now when I'm not on the clock.

Anyway, Abby.
The fourth time I received the "I have a very hard time looking him in the face because you have such a ridiculous huge crush on him" text message, I told her to go suck a dick and leave me alone, only not as nicely.

You see, Abby is OBSESSED and I have proof of this, with a guy. And this obsession started around the same time I had signs thrown at me, and since these two events happened about the same time, clearly the level of love and obsession are equal, at least that's what I think she thinks. I can't know how she thinks but it's the only thing that makes her actions make sense. She's like crazy creeping borderline stalking this guy. I was really just sick of her attitude and her negative-ness and everything and I just can't be friends with someone like that anymore, I just can't.

So I cut off contact with her. So in return, she glares at me and acts like she's 12 and talks about me behind my back. Which I hear about because there is a wonderful cashier at work who likes to tell you what people say about you. I kind of love her.

SUNDAY
I get a text asking me if I'm still mad at Abby. I say "No I just have no desire to ever talk to you again." So she gets all annoyed and tells me that she was only ever a good friend to me and how she can't be responsible if I get upset when she tells me the truth about my actions. I basically tell her to go fuck off, and she tells me that management approached her and asked her why I spend so much time in the store.

WAL MART RULE:
A member of management is not allowed to talk to an hourly employee other than that employees supervisor about another employee.
I can't even get a member of management to tell me if my mother is in the store, and everyone knows we're related.

So what she said was a bold faced lie.

She then continued to tell me that instead of telling them "the truth" she just said she didn't know.

WHAT SHE THINKS THE TRUTH IS:
I desperatly want to get into our manger's pants.

ACTUAL TRUTH:
I have nothing else to do.

WHAT I DID SUNDAY NIGHT:
Spent half the afternoon in the break room talk to two different managers, my mother, and Q. And also trying to convince my manger that I didn't hear him when he said hi to me, and I was not mad at or ignoring him, because he's 8. Reason number two that what Abby says happened didn't happen, because frankly if any manger wanted to ask me why the hell I was in the store on my day off they would have asked me while I was eating food with them in the break room.

I am telling you this because I completely terrified that Abby is going to start saying something about our manager and me, you know, as a collective unit. Because Abby believes that I spend so much time in the store to be close to him, to talk to him, to flirt with him, which is 110% not true. I spend so much time in that store because I get bored staying in my house all the time and that's where my friends are. I have went to the store with the sole purpose of talking to him twice, possibly three times and each time was because he messed up my schedule or I had to talk to him about something else work related. I do not seek him out. If he happens to be around when I'm there, yeah, we talk, we're the same age, we have things in common, he's a nice guy, but I'm not in love with him.

I'm really worried that she's not going to get the attention she's looking for from telling everyone that I like him, which honestly everyone thinks that already because I stare at him, and she's going to make more of it than there is and he's going to get in trouble, he could lose his job because of a rumor like that. And I don't want it to be my fault.

What does this have to do with my complete absence from the internet lately? Well, this girl has made me so stressed out over the last month that I can barely eat, I've just been waiting for shit to hit the fan and I wasn't sure how I was going to get in front of it and stop it.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my manager. He HAS to know at least part of what's going on because when I told him I had to talk to him yesterday he kind of ran away from me, and when I stopped him when he was leaving, he kind of rolled his eyes hand leaned on one of the soda machines like he knew what was coming and didn't want to get involved. It's going to be a fun awkward half hour. I can only imagine. But something has to be done about this. I don't care if it means I end up losing hours so that Abby and I don't work the same shifts, I just need to get away from her, and I need her to leave me alone.

AND this is why I've been absent from Tumblr, and my collab youtube channel, and twitter, and here. This situation, which hopefully will be over tomorrow, so I can go back to normal.

AND THAT IS almost THE END OF THE STORY