I sort of want to punch optimistic people in the face.

(Author's note, this kind of turned into a giant person rant. So... yeah...)

Not, like, all optimistic people, just the ones the keep telling you that everything will get better if you just hope and wish that it will. Those are the people I want to punch in the face. My friend, Q, is like this. She claims her sudden burst of happiness and sunshine is because she's pregnant and she doesn't want to think negative because it will effect her baby, but it really just makes me want to punch her in the face.

It's sort of to the point now that I don't want to be around her, because she keeps telling that my life will improve it I want it to. Mostly by saying things like "Well, I've been hoping to get pregnant before I turned 25, and now look at me! All my dreams came true." *punchs in the face*

My other friend, whom I don't have a code name for, told me I should stop telling people I want to punch them in the face, because eventually someone is going to believe me and I'll probably get in trouble at work, but the thing is, I'm 100% telling the truth when I say I want to punch people in the face. I'm not actually going to do it, but I really *really* want to.

Know who else I want to punch in the face, Abby.

You may remember Abby from a previous blog where she decided it was acceptable to tell a whole bunch of people I was in an inappropriate relationship with the front end manager.

Anyway, she thinks we're friend again, because she was walking by and I told her that a girl that used to work  with us is pregnant by the "boyfriend" who repeatedly cheats on her, in an attempt to save their relationship. I was forced to work side by side with Abby at the service desk today. The CSM did apologize to me and tell me that they had no one else to help at the desk. People have mostly seemed to take my side in the "Abby is a horrible person" front, or they just know I don't like her very much. Either way, it's very appreciated that people try to keep us apart.

She keeps trying to talk to me. I don't understand why. She stands firmly behind what she said, although it was an outright lie. She's told other people, who have then told me, that she doesn't understand why I'm mad at her, and is still upset by what I did to her. I still haven't figured out what I've done to her btw, besides having her called into the office to make her stop sending me threatening text messages and inform her that if she kept telling people about my non-existent relationship with our manager she'd have the consequences she was hoping I would receive would be all on her.

I guess I should really, you know, not care anymore. But I work in a very small store, well it's huge store, but small, you know, people wise. Rumors are crazy there, it's kind of exactly like high school. Only with adults. I have to see this stupid jerk everyday, and she keeps trying to talk to me, and I don't want to hear anything she has to say unless it's an apology for being a psychopath, but she's never going to do that, so I don't want to hear her voice.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I have some sort of panic/anxiety disorder, and although I've probably had it all my life, she, and her big stupid mouth, definitively triggered something that makes it worse. I'm not really sure if the dizzy in tied into it, but probably. Anyway it's always worse at work, and it's at it absolute worse when she's working near me.

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting in the break room and some one asked me how I was feeling, because I'd been quite dizzy and went home early a few days that week. She legit asked me what was wrong with me. I told her I was dizzy and she asked if it was a new thing, like we haven't work in the same store since I first got sick. I told her that I'd been dizzy since Easter. She was like "Oh, that's really weird. Do you know why?" I said "I can't think of a single stressor from around that time that would trigger an anxiety disorder." Very sarcastically. And she said: "Oh well, you should see a doctor." No shit, asshole, I have been.

I just really don't like her.

I really shouldn't let her bother me, but I can't help it. I honestly didn't think there were people like her in the world. People who would literally destroy other people for no reason. I didn't do anything to this girl besides tell her to stop texting me. I just don't get it. And she doesn't understand why I want her to leave me alone. I just want to scream every time she's near me, but at the same time I feel like I'm just overacting.

I don't know. I'm just mad I guess.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I got to rant that out, really.

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Currently reading Delirium by Lauren Oliver