Seriously, I have to be the single most boring 23 year old in the world.
I can imagine all the other cool people going out on Friday night, drinking, or clubbing, or watching {Harry Potter} movies with a large group of friends, or just hanging out. I honestly can't remember the last time I did something on a Friday night that wasn't sitting alone in my room. This saddens me greatly.
It's not like I don't want to go out, have fun, met people, have friends, but it's like, I don't know how to do that, or I'm afraid. It's been so long since I've been able to meet someone IRL and be friends with them. The friends I had in college kind of came to me I guess, it's a weird story. I've never been good at making friends, and I suck even worse at keeping them. Every time I'm around a group of people I hear the words of my former best friend saying "You're just to weird to even fucking exist." This was something she used to say all the time. Looking back I have no idea why we were friends in the first place, but whatever. It's become a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. I heard it so many times that I didn't bother to try anymore.
I guess I'm just tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick of being the person that no one talks to because they think I'm weird. Yes, I'm incredibly socially awkward, but no, there's really nothing I can do about it. I mean, I'm less awkward than I was a year ago, I can actually look at people when I talk to them now! Getting away from that girl was probably the best thing I ever did for myself. No, she wasn't the reason for most of my social problems, but she wasn't exactly helping either.
I really don't want this post to be about her.
I'm tired of being that person. I'm tired of being the background but I don't know how to make it so that I'm in the spotlight. I hate yelling "Hey Look At Me!" but I feel like I might have to. Maybe that's what I have to do to be noticed or liked or at least not ignored.
Anyway, sorry for the "poor me" post, I'll do my best to be less annoying and whiny. I'm not normally annoying and whiny, but in this first week of BEDA that seems to be the Deanna ya'll are getting, Sorry 'bout that.
As always, if you have weird questions, or anything like that I would love to answer them tomorrow. Thank you guys for reading. :)
AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because I figured out how to get the video from my camera onto youtube, and I posted THIS video of Stranger Than Fiction. It's a really funny song about Rainbows and Square dancing :)
Books read 35
currently reading: 20 Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler
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I think most of us probably have troubles socializing IRL - that's why we feel so comfortable hanging out on the internet. I know that I am incredibly socially awkward, but I have become a little less so as time goes on. As contrived as it sounds, you just have to put yourself out there. It's scary and I can't tell you how stressed out I get around groups of new people. Sorry, I wish I had a magic quick-fix - believe me, I would be the first person to use it.
ReplyDeleteI feel you. My first two years of college I didn't really have friends. I met my awesome amazing group of IRL friends through the Internet, believe it or not. NaNoWriMo brought us together, because we were all in the same region, so we decided to meet up during the month. I wish I had more advice, but I don't know what to say other than to echo Hannah's sentiment. D: I think you're awesome bb and I would totes be friends with you offline, just for the record!
ReplyDeleteSometimes, its like your talking about my life simultaneously. I'm so glad we became friends.
ReplyDeleteP.S: I haven't done anything interesting with someone other than hubby in, like, 7 years, on any day of the week. It get monotonous.