I don't want to see you go

But it's not forever, not forever, and even if it was, you know that I would never let it get me down, cuz your a part of me that makes me better where ever I go. So I will try, not to cry, No one needs to say goodbye. - Days of Summer Team StarKid

I'm really sad that BEDA is over, that this is the last BEDA post of the year. I've said to before, and I have no problem repeating myself when it comes to this, I've really enjoyed reading and commenting and getting to know all of you. It made me feel like I was really a part of something. I haven't felt like I was a part of something in a long time. So thank you, everyone that read my angst filled annoying blog for the past month. Thanks for commenting and listening.

I don't really think I can explain how much it means to know that no matter how ridiculous a post I write, someone will read and comment on it. I'm in that weird part of my life, as I've said before, where I just feel so alone and lost sometimes. To know that someone is there to listen, no matter how stupid that thing I have to say is, really, really means a lot. Thank you guys, I can't really put into words how much I just want to hug all of you.

This is my facebook page if you want to be my friend on there: http://www.facebook.com/Decoolz

I think, I'm probably wrong, but I can think whatever I want, that doing this, being here with you guys has made me a better blogger. I don't feel stupid posting some random thing about how all I did all day was sit around and eat ice cream feeling sorry for myself. I've learned that I have to get out and do something so I can report on it, and honestly, if BEDA didn't turn out to be as awesome as it did, I wouldn't have that mindset. Finding and having adventures saying "Yeah sure I'd love to" when someone asks me to hang out, is something that you guys gave me back. I can't explain how much that means. Thanks for helping me get my life back.

In this month, I've gotten a job and accepted friendship, two of the things that I've been hoping and praying for for almost a year. I love you guys. I really do. Thank you so much for being there.

I'm excited to continue to read your lives and see our next big adventure (NaNoWriMo? Epic Skype party?) But mostly I wish you all well, and I hope that you got a much out of this as I did.

ALSO: In yesterday's post, I said my Skype name was "Decoolz" it's actually "Decoolz27" I'm sure there are hundreds of other Decoolz on Skype, but you know, I should probably tell you that I don't know what I own name is.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I've finished packing for Hogwarts!

Books read 37

I am a follower

Everyone else is doing this, so I'm going to as well. I'm really going to miss this everyday blogging. I've had a lot of fun with it. I've enjoyed everyone's blogs and "meeting" new people who I can relate to. You guys have been really awesome, really. Thanks for being interested in my boring angst filled annoying life. I'm kind of sad that tomorrow is the last day. :(

So now some Triva!

Name: Deanna
Age: 23 *cough*old person *cough*

Location: New Hampshire or The Shire if you're awesome, which I am, so The Shire

School: Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. (also known as I have graduated from college and now I never have to go to school again.)

Major: I was an English communications major, which is why I currently live with my parents and work at Walmart

Job: Cashier at Walmart, because I DREAM BIG
Current Book: Skinny by Ibi Kaslisk but Thursday MockingJay!

Instrument: my Instrument is MS word or a Pencil

Single: FOREVER ALONE

Hungry: No

Clean: pretty much, I mean I spent the day at WalMart, so I'm covered in Walmart germs, but I showered today

Sick: No, but now I will be that I said I wasn't
Bored: always
Going to miss BEDA: VERY MUCH

Skype Name: decoolz

NaNoWriMo Account: decoolz (also my twitter name, and my tumblr name and my actual name... because I'm creative)

Should everyone add you?: SURE!

Will the Skype party be epic: I feel that it would be. We're pretty awesome, us BEDA-ers

Are you happier now: Yes! Yes I am

Will you type out a thoughtful blog more often: I will write twice a week after Tuesday. I promise
Even AFTER August: I promise

I love You!: Aww. I love you too, BEDA, Lord Voldemort, Neville, cookie dough Ice Cream, and Jake Ryan! *cough* and Michael J. Fox *cough*

I'm really going to miss this. I really am. *cries*


AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I recently made plans to sit in my friend Kevin's train car on the way to Hogwarts on Wednesday.

Mentioned the books already in this entry, so yea.

Let's do this

I had a plan for this blog, but then I read Kristina's blog today, and I want to copy her. So I'm going to.

BUT FIRST!
I was working today, and this woman and her daughter (aged 5 or 6ish) came through my line, the girl was being kind of whiny and childlike, not overly annoying, but annoying enough. The girl was asking to hold things and stuff and I could tell that the mom was getting really annoyed. This behavior had been going on for most of the store, I guess. The mom was trying to punch in her PIN and the girl started to pull on the ladies coat, and saying "Mommy, I want to press the buttons!" The mother looked down at the little girl and said "Oh My God, Hermione, shut up." The little girl crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

I almost wet myself and bit the inside of my mouth until it started to bleed, to keep myself from laughing.

The most important part of that story is that there are 5 and 6 year old children in the world named Hermione; and although she may not be named after the character in Harry Potter, I'm just going to assume she is. I hope one day that girl grows up to be the cleverest witch of her age. And that woman, most likely un-knowingly, since she was, like 35, gets to make AVPM references all day, everyday.

Back to copying Kristina Horner:
She wrote about her life 10 years ago. In December, everyone on twitter was talking about what they were like in the year 2000 I sent couple tweets that looked a lot like this: #10yearsago I was 13, had a huge crush on that Lab Tech on CSI, Greg, Fave Song was Pin Ball Wizard by The Who, I had a freakishly large Zac Hanson poster and my favorite movie was Back To The Future, and I couldn't WAIT for Order of the Phoenix
I then sent out a tweet that went something like this: As apposed to know, were Greg is no longer in the Lab, but a real CSI, my Hanson poster contains all three brothers and all the Harry Potter books have been released.  #ImthesamepersonIwaswhenIwas13.

I remember reading the tweets of the people I get to my phone, as we weren't cool enough to have Internet in the apartment. A lot of people were saying things like "Ten years ago I was deciding if I wanted to be in television or become a teacher." (became a teacher, if you were wondering) or "ten years ago I was a cheerleader, now I want to kill all cheerleaders"

I bring this up, because looking back at my life, my interests haven't changed very much. However, I don't think that 13 year old Deanna would like 23 year old Deanna, I also think 13 year old Deanna would call me a nerd and probably kick me, because 13 year old Deanna was a bitch, she was also a nerd, but intolerant of other nerds, because she was the BEST nerd EVER.

I've always been a nerd, and I wore my nerd with pride, unashamed that I was weirder than anyone that had ever existed. (I've decided that this is a fact.) My post it note days were only a year away, but I did carry around little boxes for key chains that played music (Oh the nineties)  I had a B*Witched one and a SClub 7 one is I remember correctly. I also got them taken away a lot, because they would go off at random times. I carried unnecessary things and had a posters of both Michael J Fox and Zac Hanson in my locker.

I was not yet friends with the girl that would lead to my belief that being weird and strange was a bad thing, so I was just out there being me and not caring about it. I kind of miss that kid. My backward baseball cap days. I have a picture of 13 year old me, I'm at a formal, so no hat but here:

I'm the one with the glasses, the other girl is Queen Elizabeth I (inside jokes)

I look exactly the same, well i got new glasses, and I have braces in that picture, but I look exactly the same.

In her blog Kristina talked about how different she was as a young teen, and we're for the purposes of this blog, the same age (I'm a year older than her IRL). I just can't help looking at myself and seeing an nearly identical person. Everyone around me figured I'd grow out of the "Harry Potter thing" I always figured my weird obsession with MJF would eventually fade, but there is now "growing out of Harry Potter" and from where I sit, I can see hanging in my closet this outfit:

without MJF in it, obvs.

Thinking about how we're supposed to "grow up" and change and evolve as people, and seeing that I still love the same things just as passionately, if not MORE passionately than I did when I was 13 makes me wonder if I something is wrong with me. Or maybe there is just something so great about the things I loved when I was a kid, that I never should let go of it.

I don't know, what do you guys think?

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome because, well, mostly because the inside of my face still hurts from that child being told to shut up.

Books Read 36

Currently have 4 chapters left of Skinny by Ibi Kalisk (I'm usually a much faster reader.)

I should be asleep

Actually I was asleep, but I woke up in a weird panic when my tv shut off, because I put it on sleep, and such things happen, and I was like, "Oh Crap BEDA." #truestory.

I don't really have much to talk about. My job isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I'm probably going to have to figure out how to use the "action codes" and not just yell when I need people. "I'm sorry it's my second day actually working" isn't going to be an excuse anyone takes after, well, today.

I need to edit some serious video for both my high school English Teacher (not weird, wait, yes, it is weird.) and for a secret awesome thing that I'm doing for Tomorrow. One of these videos I know how to make, the other one, NO IDEA. (that one is of course the one I have to make for my teacher.) I should say that I don't have to make it, he just asked me to, and thinks I'm smarter than I really am.

Anyway, I have a blog of actual substance planed for after work tomorrow.

Until then
AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because, um, because I discovered Wal Mart sells MockingJay for a cheaper price than B&N.

Book status unchanged since yesterday

Is it too early

To hate my job? Yes? okay, well then.

Today, what's the word, umm, oh, sucked. Idk if you guys have ever done Computer Based Learning Modules, but they are, how can I put this, they should go shoot themselves in the face and then die in a hole. ARG. So boring, and so long. At least I was with two other girls that felt the same way, and I will be with them tomorrow, only this time it won't be for 4 hours but for 7. I can't wait...

Our manager, today was his last day. So we have no idea who we report to, or what we're supposed to be doing after we finish the CBLs tomorrow. Oh, because there's more. But at least we know never to pick up human organs off the floor, and that it's against company policy to walk through hazardous waste spills.

WTfuck.


We are so ill informed about our actually jobs it's kind of sad, but whatever, I feel that the two girls I "worked" or to be more accurate got paid $10 an hour to laugh at a computer screen with will end up being tight. It will be like having work friends! And they're my age too, in the same boat as me, college graduates looking for something to pay off those loans. So that cool. I don't feel like the weird creepy old person.

I'm going to stop complaining about my job that I've had for two days now.



AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because NEW SHIRTS!: http://www.annarbortshirtcompany.com/teamstarkid

(ps. when I was leaving for work my Dad said to me: Just remember you work to do the things you want to do, like buy those Star Ranger team jerseys. So close, so close. He tries. My dad only recently discovered that Harry Potter's first name was Harry.)

books read 36
currently reading: skinny by Ibi Kaslisk

Right now

I'm legit just eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's and being sad. Basically nothing went as planned,and it rained and ruined my hair.

I hugged everyone in the cast except the one I wanted to. And now, I'm just, I just.

I can't blog under these conditions. Sorry guys.

I have nothing to write about.

As the title of this blog suggests, I have nothing to write about. Today I watched Boy Meets World, did a little editing, and well, that's it really.

I'm still waiting on Jen to help me with this shirt thing. I mean, it's seriously important, like the single most important thing ever. I need to wear the correct shirt tomorrow. Normally, I just wear completely ridiculous shit, like my bright yellow "The Who" t-shirt a jean shirt and neon green tights. Last week I wore my Dumbledore Army T-shirt and Orange tights. I've basically become odd t-shirt brightly colored tights girl, it's like my thing now, I guess. I just feel like tomorrow needs to be an excellent decision in Deanna outfit life.

WAIT!

When did this become what I blog about? How did this happen? Why is this even a thing I think about?  Omigod have I become that girl? I don't want to be that girl! HELP ME!

OK. I really need to stop obsessing, but if it's ever going to happen, it has to be tomorrow. The goal is to ask to be "Real life friends" and hope he doesn't stare at me like I'm an idiot and walk way. Because if that happens I might just die, or if he laughs at me, I think that would be worse. I'd have to go curl up in my sock drawer and cry for days if that happened, preferably with a giant Hersey's bar.  I'm, like, eleven, seriously.

I'm just going to stop now.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I bought computer paper, seems lame, but it involved leaving my room, and then getting computer paper, which I needed so I can edit.

Books Read: 36
Currently reading: Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

It's Sunday of Harry Potter Weekend

I spent yesterday not moving and watching Harry Potter Movies on ABC Family, and making fun of them on Tumblr. Today, I'm doing basically the same thing, only I can, like, sit up and not feel like I'm going to vomit.

Later I'm going to be trying to figure out what I'm going to wear on Tuesday, because Tuesday may be the most important Tuesday of my life. And by important I mean, it's the last Tuesday of the summer and I have to talk to Jake Ryan or I will NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN, until next summer.

When did I become that girl? Oh yeah, when I was 17 and started loving him... I am pathetic. :(

I have nothing else of importance to share with you, so I will leave you with this:

I leave you with this. Spencer and Loakie BFFLS

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because my tumblr dash is covered with "Hermione is not an OWL"

Books read 36: currently reading Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

I do not want to move.

Yesterday I had so much fun with my friend. I haven't had a girl chat with the girl in the same room in like, YEARS, because I am lame, but still I was so cool to just sit and giggle and eat candy/pizza/Chinese food/funions/more candy/bugles/cool ranch doritios and watch 3.5 hours of Youtube videos... and giggle snort as she gasped and laughed and couldn't unsee the amazing that is StarKid.

My life outside my room is the same as my life inside my room.

I don't really have much to say, mostly because I don't want to look at this BRIGHT computer screen, and i really want to go back to sleep. SO I'm going to show you some of the awesome things on my desk.

Time Turner, for traveling back in time to Kill Harry Potter in his first year at Hogwarts.

I got this at the Harry Potter Exhibit when it came to Boston. Every time I show people they want to know

I have no idea what this is, or where it came from, but it's bee on my desk for years.

I got to kill him at Improv last week. Wellington is a Member of STF. I'm kind of excited to have this.

STICKER BOOK. HARRY POTTER STICKER BOOK

I do not know what compelled me to write this on my Post-It notes, but I did, and now you all know about it.

I can't believe there are only 11 days left of BEDA. I'm going to miss it. I think we've created a nice little blogging community. I hope we can keep being "Blogging buddies" when it's over.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome because Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family

Books read 36
Currently reading: Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

Since it was asked, I might as well answer it.

In the comments of yesterday's post, RuthEDay asked a question that I sort of answered in the comments, but I feel that I should address it farther so I'm going to. Basically she asked if the ankle breaking lead to the sucky down turn in my life.

Kind of.

Not that my life was exactly rainbow and clouds and square dancing, previous to my sophomore year of high school, but losing volleyball pretty much cemented my place in the "why the fuck do I even exist" world. I wasn't, like, super good, or anything, but I was good enough, that with practice I could have played in college, and gone to a state school like I wanted. I'd played volleyball from sixth grade until my sophomore year, well I was on the team junior year, but the ankle situation lasted about 10 months longer than it should have, (long story, don't ask) so I didn't get to play that season.

I lost friends, who probably we're really my friends looking back at it, but it was high school, and frankly if you talked to me, FRIEND. Remember John Green's video where he talks about college, and making friends, that person, the one basically crying so that you'd be your friend, that was me in high school/ up until, like, maybe, two weeks ago when I realized I actually had some really good friends who weren't assholes.

Because I didn't have volleyball, I fell into this HOLE OF SAD. My grades tanked and found myself drowning with no way out. I know a lot of people have been there, have felt that, have made their lives better, turned around and clawed toward the light, but there are days, still, when I  feel like that sad kid stuck in that bottomless hole knowing that I'm never going to get out of it. I was one of the lucky ones, though. I was that one in a million kid that had a teacher like Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World, that one that cares so much about you that they stop you in the hallway to say "see you tomorrow," even when they know they have a teacher's conference in Boston and aren't going to be there the next day. I'm lucky enough to still have that person in my life now, and that I can call this person my friend, even if I can't call him by his first name because it's too weird (I graduated high school 5 years ago, it will always be weird to call teachers by their first names. His first name is Mr. and it will be that way for the rest of my life).

I know that there is a way out of the hole, a way to fix it, but I get so lost in the fact that I've found myself there again, that it spirals out of control again. I feel that if I could go to that moment and run on the outside of the group instead of the inside, and therefore not fall off the sidewalk-less road of my town and break my ankle I'd be better. This is why I re-read A Prayer for Owen Meany this year, so that I could grasp at that piece of seventeen year old me, and hope that somehow twenty-three year old me would get it.

I feel that even changing that small piece of life, I would still be pretty much the same person I am now. I mean there's no doubt in my mind that I would end up a nerdfighter. I've always been a nerdfighter, I'd still be the weird girl that thought it was socially acceptable to wear post it notes as a fashion accessory on my jean jacket (Note to self, this is probably why you had no friends in high school), and I'd still have an unacceptable for someone of my age crush on Michael J Fox, I'd still love Harry Potter, I just won't be so sad all the time, I won't get lost in my own depressing thoughts.

Part of me says that MAYBE if I didn't give that teacher the chance to save me, I wouldn't be where I am. I wouldn't be the biggest fan *cough*facebook stalker *cough* of the improv troupe, since I wouldn't have needed the extra credit in English that compelled me to go to the first show. I may not have found Nerdfighteria as soon as I did, but then again, if I'd gone to a bigger college, may be I would have found it earlier. Maybe I'd be an intern at a magazine or writing somewhere for someone, well on my way to being who I want to be.

I just want to be happy with who I am, I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I just feel that if I wake up and I'm fifteen, I can do that.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome, because for the first times since... ummm... well... 2007 I have plans on a FRIDAY NIGHT! With a REAL LIFE PERSON! #omg

Books read: 36
currently reading: Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

ANSWERS!!

Today I reveal the untrue fact. I must say that I'm intensely bad at these "pick the untrue thing about me!!" things because, frankly, I've done some really ridiculously weird shit in my life, so my untrue fact maybe be sadly disappointing, and I am sorry.


I have met John and Hank, as well as both of their wives.
TRUE: interesting story, the Paper Towns tour, Boston stop, I sat two seats over from, and talked to the Yeti. I talked to her before I knew she was the Yeti. Secret Brother Tom, made her stand up at one point in the thingy, and there was an audible gasp, and I turned to my friend, who isn't a nerdfighter but agreed to go with me and said "Oh my fucking God I just had like a three minute convo with the Yeti."
I high fived Hank and got to say hello to The Katherine, but The Yeti part was the most amazing thing ever.
BTW she is really, really, ridiculously pretty.

I once stayed at the same hotel as Snoop Dogg

TRUFACT: In Ireland actually, Here is photo graphic evidence:

That's right, I took this, and honestly I didn't really care, but whatevs, other people think it's cool

I met most of the friends I had in college on a trip to the bathroom
TRUFACT I have actually met, probably all the people I know in real life because I had to go to the bathroom. They attacked me, and hugged me, and then we became friends, and now I talk to 2 of them.


I once had a beta fish, Brisco, that lived for 3 years.
UNTRUE: Brisco lived for 4.5 years I got him shortly before I started college. He died, not joking, the last day of classes my senior year of college


I have a drawer full of spoons that I have collected *cough*stole*cough* from various restaurants
TRUEFACT: FILLED. I will take a picture of it to show you if I can get it open

I wear a bracelet on my wrist to signify the love I have for a fictional character who saved my life
TRUEFACT! A Prayer for Owen Meany, saved my life. I can honestly say that if I wasn't assigned to read that book that day, by that teacher, I wouldn't be alive. Owen Meany means so much to my life, that when I will be saving money to get part of the first line tattooed onto my arm so I don't have to wear the worn out ripped faux leather bracelet anymore.


There is rarely a day I don't wish to fall asleep and not wake up at 15 and have a do over
TRUEFACT: Wednesday, meaning, yesterday, was the first time in a while I didn't wish I could just start over at 15. That was the year I broke my ankle, the year life started to seriously suck. I would be in a way different place in my life if I could just re-do fifteen.

I have lived on both coasts of the United States
TRUEFACT: I lived in California until I was 18 months old or something, I don't remember it, but I lived there. My mom has pictures.

Sorry that I suck at this, but it was fun and I loved reading all of your "secrets" getting to know all my fellow BEDA-er's better.


AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because I'm covered in highlighter and red pen, EDITING has started!


books read: 36
currently reading Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

Versatile Blogger!

Firstly, I feel I should apologize for missing yesterday. Usually I get home at about 10:30 from Stranger than Fiction, so I was going to blog when I got back, BUT I got invited to go so somewhere with some cast members and since I never leave my house, I felt I should go. I feel hanging out with people is an acceptable reason to miss a blog, right? No? alright, but I still wouldn't change anything.

Anyway, a few days ago I was tagged in the versatile blogger award! YAY awards. So now, I must list 8 facts, seven TRUFACTS one UNTRUFACT, and you blog readers, must decide which I am lying about.


I have met John and Hank, as well as both of their wives.
I once stayed at the same hotel as Snoop Dogg
I met most of the friends I had in college on a trip to the bathroom
I once had a beta fish, Brisco, that lived for 3 years.
I have a drawer full of spoons that I have collected *cough*stole*cough* from various restaurants
I wear a bracelet on my wrist to signify the love I have for a fictional character who saved my life
There is rarely a day I don't wish to fall asleep and not wake up at 15 and have a do over
I have lived on both coasts of the United States


And there you are my friends guess the LIE!

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because I think I got the end of my novel in super rough draft form last night!!

Books read 36
currently reading: Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

I'm tired.

Can't I just be a Death Eater?

I'm never tired when I should be, like when it's sleep time, but all day, I will be tired. ALL DAY.

I left my house today! It's a big step into the world of not being a home bound except for Tuesdays during the summer kid. I start my job tomorrow, kinda, I get paid to be there, so I'm pretty sure that's what "starting" is.

What else has happened in my life...

I realized last night that I've been lying to myself and I am not really a Gryffindor. I was never a Gryffindor. If the sorting hat appeared, I would never be able to bust a sword out of it. I am a Slytherin. This was my facebook status, and my Dad commented on it... at dinner. He didn't know what a Slytherin was, so I basically Hermione'd it up and explained the History of Hogwarts to him.

I really need to get out of the house more, and, like, interact with people.  I mean, I've always been the crazy Harry Potter obsessed nerd girl, but I need to leave the Internet. This crappy part time job thing really couldn't come at a better time for me.

I wish I was a better blogger. In reading you guys' blogs everyday, you seem to have a rhythm, I'm just a crazy person banging my head against the keyboard. Sometimes I'm amazed that I've created mildly coherent sentences.

Well, I'm going to sleep now, since I'm tired.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because there is a new Potions Master's Corner video. If you haven't seen them, Google that shit, you won't reget it. Unless you don't like funny things, then it's not as awesome.

books read 36
Currently Reading: Skinny by Ibi (basilisk) Kaslik

Whoa, deja vu

Firstly, I just called my dog, Hermione. His name is Loakie. He's annoying and whines a lot, so I find myself yelling "Oh my God Loakie, SHUT UP."

Secondly, my friend didn't watch AVPS last night, so we're watching it tonight.

Thirdly, I've been watching HOUSE all day, and therefore have nothing to blog about. OH, except that in the Sims, my Sim me drowned, leaving my 3 sets of twin girls to be raised by a crazy person. Needless to say, I didn't save that shit. I didn't even know you could actually drown if there were ladders in the pool. WTF.

Lastly, Maggie, I completely agree with you. :) It's freakishly disturbing, but I like it.
AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because more Harry Potter Fan Made Musical watching is in my immediate future.

Books Read 36
Currently Reading: Skinny by Ibi Kaslik (who wants to take bets on how long it will take me to write "Ibi Basilisk)

Guess who got a job??

Snape?

NO, ME!

Every time someone asks me a question my immediate answer is Snape? NO ONE EVER GETS IT. Except you guys, because you guys are Made of Win.

Before I get into Blogging mode, Thank you very much Maggie for your comment yesterday. I'm glad you liked it, and publication is my eventual goal. Perhaps one day, you will receive a magical advanced Reader's copy. :)

Back to the blogging! In the quest to get sad crappy part time job, I had to make a phone call to my former boss. If I'm going to be 100% honest with you, I have probably have the weirdest collective group of friends anyone one person had. It includes my 11th grade English Teacher, Random Improv comics, my Former Boss, who is a legit CRAZY PERSON, and three people I've never met that live far, far away, and you guys, I've decided you guys are my friends. I hope you're okay with this.

 The person I'm probably the closest to lives the farthest. I have no friends that are either a. my age or b. live within hang out for the day driving distance. most of them live in this box I'm typing into. How did this happen? How did I become that person with no "real life" friends? It's so weird to think about. Not that I don't truly love my Nerd Girls, but it's weird. I've never met them and yet it feels like I've known them forever in a good way.

Laura, wrote a post yesterday about this same thing, which is why I was thinking about it. If I was to sit down and think about this, Laura is my best friend. We talk almost all the time. Today we became Pen Pals, because we're awesome, and we've never met.

This was going to be about how I got a job and how weird My Former Boss is, so is SO WEIRD, but I love her.

Actual Google Massage chat we had while she was on the phone with my new employer:
HER: Are you a terrorist?
ME: Not that I'm aware of.
HER: OK.
HER Have you ever been trained or plotted terrorist actions?
ME: No, WTF are you talking about?
HER: Have you ever trained anyone in the ways of terrorist?
ME: still no, seriously WTF?
HER: Just the questions they're asking me. LOL

This was my background check I guess.

I think I've rambled about nothing long enough, right? *omnipresent voice* RIGHT! right.
My phone alarm went off, it says it's "Joe Walker in a dress time."

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because soon I'll be able to buy t-shirts and get an oil change!

Books read 36.

A little bit of writing

So yesterday, I said I would post some writing. Below is the 85th draft of the first chapter of the novel I've been writing since I was in 6th grade. Some form of this story has existed in my head/in countless notebooks since I was 12 or 13. This version contains a large amount of swearing, just so you know. I'd like to know what ya'll think. :)

From the Center of Our Universe (I may be changing this)


“Let’s get fucked up and die,” Rio sang horribly off key from atop his grey beast of a car, a Buick Century he rather sarcastically called “The Pearl,” not because of its boat-like shape and driving style. He just thought calling it “The Diamond” was overdoing it.


“I’m speaking figuratively of course!” I joined, from the hood. We were sixteen, but we could smell seventeen from that mid-September day. Both our birthdays were at the end of October. Nothing could stop us from living the lives we wanted then, Rio especially. We were carefree and innocent, as carefree and innocent as any high school junior could be. He spun onto his stomach and stared down the windshield at me, an almost full moon reflected off it into his face, making it hard to see his eyes.

“Like the last time I committed suicide,” he whispered.

“Social suicide,” Motion City Soundtrack finished. Rio never said that particular lyric. I didn’t understand why, it was one of the thousands of little quirks that Rio had.

I stared into his crayon green eyes, unblinking as the song continued, a sly smirk growing across this face. I’d fallen in love with that smirk in the summer before our seventh grade year. I don’t remember exactly why I remember the date, but I knew that at some point it would be of critical importance.

I had every detail of his smile memorized; the gap where his older brother, Harper, had punched out one of his eyeteeth peeked out at me. I giggled and spread out over the hood of his car. We listened in silence to the rest of the song. The best part was the beginning; there was no point in singing the rest of it. When it ended, and the sound of crickets was the only thing making noise around us, I felt Rio climb in through the driver’s window of The Pearl.

There was something oddly peaceful about our lake at night. The way the floodlights on the backside of the school, across the mirror black water lit up the middle school playground, making it glow almost heavenly. It was almost as if the chain link fence was covered in glitter at night. The moon even made a nearly perfect reflection into the lake, slightly distorted, but nearly perfect.

“Teagan,” Rio called from the driver’s seat. “It’s nearly ten, I should get you home. Your mom may change her mind about Layla’s party if I’m late getting you back again.”

“Fuck it, River,” I yelled, disturbing the peacefulness of the croaking frogs and crickets.

No one ever called Rio by his given name, not even his parents. He liked to pretend that he’d given himself his nickname because someone that dressed like him, in a beat up and burned jean jacket, with jeans cuffed to meet the high top of his red Chuck Taylor All Stars, didn’t have a “pansy” name like River. Being “Rio” was his slap in the face of society and self-fulfilling prophecies. His name wasn’t going to dictate the rest of his life.

Honestly, the story he made up was a lot more interesting than his mom’s mild insanity. His mom had named him after River Phoenix, but apparently, it’s bad luck to name your child after someone who dies of a drug overdose. She figured it would lead to a similar fate for him. Giving him the Spanish equivalent was the best thing she could think of, because calling him by his middle name, Gregory, would be excessively complicated, a lot of paperwork to file with the school district, or something.

The driver’s door of The Pearl slowly opened, making a rusty sound. I don’t really think rust actually makes a noise, but that’s what I thought of when that door opened, rust rubbing on rust. Rio climbed onto the hood next to me. “The lake does look quite pretty tonight,” he said

“It’s the moon. It’s always makes everything look more amazing.” I answered as his arm came to rest around my shoulder. My stomach did that sickening I-have-a-crush-on-him-but-shhhh back flip it always did when Rio got too close to me. “I’ll just tell my mom that we were on our way back and my phone was on silent so I didn’t know she called. She can’t get too upset being five minutes late on a Friday night.”

“If you say so,” I heard his voice through his crocked smile. “She’s just looking out for you, you know, being out at night with the dangerous Davenport boy. You never know what kind of shenanigans I’ll get you involved in.”

I placed my head against his chest, letting the knot in my stomach tighten. “It’s not like I haven’t been hanging out with you every day since we were five. I mean, she should get by now that you’re not going to kill me.”

“Parents are hard to convince sometimes,” he said in a way that made me believe that there was nothing Rio didn’t know, like he’d lived a thousand past lives. “Maybe in another twelve years she’ll start to trust me.”

“Maybe, you can never tell with Rebecca, though. How long has she been pissed at your mom now?”

“Like twenty years,” Rio laughed. “Old cheerleading rivalries die hard in Kurtwood.”

I heard my cell phone vibrate on the passenger’s seat of The Pearl, then turned Rio’s arm to see the time: 10:02. A deep sigh escaped my lungs.

“If you don’t answer that, your mom’s going to send a search party out for you,” he said taking his arm back and sliding off the car. I rolled my eyes, as I slid off the opposite side.

My mom had always been strict about rules: home by eight on school nights, ten on weekends, call even if you’re going to be ten seconds late. It was ridiculous. My sister never had to deal with the crap my parents did to me. I’d never done anything that would lead her to distrust me, but then again I was best friends with the middle Davenport boy.

“Just drive, Rio. We’ll be back before she calls again.”

“If she tries to murder me with a spoon for kidnapping you, I hope you’ll jump in front of me.”

“I always do.”

I turned to watch him as he drove. It was painfully obvious how I felt about him, yet he seemed to ignore it. I guess he didn’t want anything to change, in a way I didn’t really want it to change either. It would have messed up our whole relationship. I mean, we’d been friends since preschool. I couldn’t go around playing with relationship that runs deep like that. We were friends before boys and girls were even supposed to like each other. But there is always something that draws the messed-up kids together. Not that we were actually messed up when we were five, but I think, subconsciously we knew our families would drive both of us completely insane.

Rio slid The Pearl seamlessly around the sharp curve and into my driveway.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” I whispered, opening the door. “Layla’s birthday party is a little bit more important than whatever my mom’s going to make me do. I’ll escape.”

“Don’t do anything stupid, Teag,” Rio warned, as I closed the rusty door. I stood by our never used basketball hoop as he backed out of the driveway, watching the headlights as they slowly moved down my body and out into the road, turned, and illuminated the trees and rocks across the street.

____

If you would like to read more I have it posted online here: http://www.webook.com/project/From-the-Center-of-Our-Universe-1

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I'm one chapter closer to actually finishing a complete draft of "Universe," and I actually like it. :)

Books read 36
Currently between books.

Jobs!?! and I have weird friend

I had a job interview today! It was at Walmart, but still JOB! I basically have it, but they have to check my references and awesomely enough both of my former bosses are on vacation this week... So possibly by this time next week, I might have a job!! Unless Adam is a totally douche canoe, which is oddly likely but still #yes

Did I just hash tag my blog? Yes, yes I did.

My dad also believes that Neville will come home. I'm interested to see how he reacts to have three cats if this happens, especially considering that Spencer hisses at everything, Indy is mentally unstable and Neville will eat anything that moves.

I got questions in the comments, this is also a reminder to ask me questions, so that I don't bore you to death with my boringly boring life.

My friend, asked me which I preferred, Tumbr or Blogger. This is an unfair question. There is no comparing. Yes, there are both blogging websites, but I see Tumblr more like a twitter with more Harry Potter, and by Harry Potter, I mean StarKid, and by StarKid, I believe Jen will know what I mean.

OH! Speaking of Tumblr, I saw the most amazing thing, which probably no one else will find funny. There is a video that's a behind the scenes StarKid scene and there's a .gif of Joe Walker eating Ice Cream and a comment from the video labeled "BEST youtube video comment ever: Is there any reason one of the kids is eating ice cream with a fork?" /things only I find hilarious.

Anyways, I like blogger for writing. I prefer it for writing. Tumblr is for short things, I tend to be long winded even when I'm not talking about anything, which I'm sure ya'll have noticed. I'm not, like, good at making things, but I like seeing things that other people have made. I enjoy reblogging them and giggling at things until iced tea squirts out my nose and I have to explain to my Dad what just happened. My Dad finds youtube comments unfunny

Also JenJen, I FOUND that Kevin is a Hufflepuff.

There is literally no way to end this blog entry in a way that makes any logical sense. So...

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because JOB! #notasentence

Books read 35
Currently reading: Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler

Everyone is posting pictures of cats!

I was reading the BEDA's that have been posted today so far, and it seems that EVERYONE is posting adorable cat pictures. This makes me miss my cat even more.

My cat, Neville, I believe I've talked about him before and how he ran away, is the best cat of all time. I know everyone thinks this, but Neville, much like his namesake, was a totally BAMF. He used to beat up our dog and kill mice, squirrels, frogs, and one time, he ATE A SNAKE. I rescued him, when he was a baby, his previous owners broke his back legs, and he was four months old when I got him.

Neville, the most adorable BAMF ever.

My parents seem to believe that he has died. I still believe that he will come back, but today my grandmother sent y mom and e-mail telling her she could keep the kitten we got her for mother's day. So, we took in Spencer, so named after the elder brother of the title character of Maureen Johnson's latest novel Scarlet Fever.

Since moving into our home, little Spencer has spent 3 hours hiding in our bathtub terrified of our giant dog. It would be funny if Loakie (the dog) didn't keep trying to lick him. He also doesn't want the cat to play with his toys. Loakie is a horrible dog, in case you were wondering.

I really miss Neville. He was so awesome, and I really hope he isn't dead, but if he doesn't come home, I hope that whomever has him is good to him. I just want him to come back to where he belongs. I hope that if he does, he doesn't think that I've replaced him. There's no replacing Neville. Spencer is just another kitten that needed a home, much like Nevz was when my dad almost backed him over with the Uhaul truck.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome because Spencer is trying to catch a fly, and it may be the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Books read 35

Currently reading: 20 boy summer by Sarah Ockler

Oh, wow, I need some excitement.

Today was, as I guess anyone who has read more than one post this month can imagine, a rather boring and non-eventful day. It involved looking for Strawberry Hill Wine because my brother wanted it, and my mother getting annoyed that I think Strawberry Hill Wine is "funny." It's not funny, it's just I know my brother doesn't read and therefore doesn't understand Strawberry Hill's effect on popular culture, and neither of them know what a Nerdfighter is.

My Mother's car is broken, so I now either have to go everywhere with her, or let her drive my car, and seeing how she isn't going to put gas in my car either way I might as well go. She gets highly annoyed with my taste in music and likes to change my station or switch CD's and not change them back which is, rude? annoying? something anyway. I always change it back, it's just the right thing to do. I feel it's in the best interest of my sanity when I turn my car on to make sure nothing happens, and the Bonnie Gruesen/ Hermione Granger sings "Coolest Bitch on Earth God Damn it" every time I turn on my car, you know, strictly for self esteem purposes.

Anyways, I am currently listening exclusively to Team StarKid music in my car, I have manged to sneak some music not written by Darren Criss into the rest of my life. It's a slow process, but I did miss Pete Townsend and Scar from the Lion King (don't judge, Be Prepared is the #1 song on my Ipod, even after listening to the StarKid album for almost 3 week straight). As we get to the store the Cho Chang song plays and my mother says "This song is stupid Skinny doesn't even come close to rhyming with Cho Chang." Yes, mother, that is, in fact, the whole point of the song.

I know I listen to ridiculous music, I don't need you to tell me that it's stupid because you don't see the point. Don't make me explain the Harry Potter Musical to you AGAIN. Just shhh, I don't complain about whatever stupid music you play when you're driving.

Have I ever mentioned I hate living here? Yes? Okay, just checking.

In other things, Thank you Rachel and Hannah for your comments on yesterday posts. :) *Interwebz Hugz* It really does help my lack of self everything to know that are people that think I'm a little bit awesome, even if I don't see it anymore.

I promise I will try to be less annoying and 15 year-old girl like, and do something awesome by the end of this month that is worth blogging about. That is my promise to the rest of the BEDA-ers.

ALSO! I made this!!

I am very proud of it. :)

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome for the same reason yesterday was awesome, except there is a new video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyBiOBVnukc No singing in this one, but some pseudo-break dancing. Wizarding God I love this Improv troupe SO MUCH.

Books read: 35

Currently reading Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler

And on Friday, Nothing Happened.

Seriously, I have to be the single most boring 23 year old in the world.

I can imagine all the other cool people going out on Friday night, drinking, or clubbing, or watching {Harry Potter} movies with a large group of friends, or just hanging out. I honestly can't remember the last time I did something on a Friday night that wasn't sitting alone in my room. This saddens me greatly.

It's not like I don't want to go out, have fun, met people, have friends, but it's like, I don't know how to do that, or I'm afraid. It's been so long since I've been able to meet someone IRL and be friends with them. The friends I had in college kind of came to me I guess, it's a weird story. I've never been good at making friends, and I suck even worse at keeping them. Every time I'm around a group of people I hear the words of my former best friend saying "You're just to weird to even fucking exist." This was something she used to say all the time. Looking back I have no idea why we were friends in the first place, but whatever. It's become a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. I heard it so many times that I didn't bother to try anymore.

I guess I'm just tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick of being the person that no one talks to because they think I'm weird. Yes, I'm incredibly socially awkward, but no, there's really nothing I can do about it. I mean, I'm less awkward than I was a year ago, I can actually look at people when I talk to them now! Getting away from that girl was probably the best thing I ever did for myself. No, she wasn't the reason for most of my social problems, but she wasn't exactly helping either.

I really don't want this post to be about her.

I'm tired of being that person. I'm tired of being the background but I don't know how to make it so that I'm in the spotlight. I hate yelling "Hey Look At Me!" but I feel like I might have to. Maybe that's what I have to do to be noticed or liked or at least not ignored.

Anyway, sorry for the "poor me" post, I'll do my best to be less annoying and whiny. I'm not normally annoying and whiny, but in this first week of BEDA that seems to be the Deanna ya'll are getting, Sorry 'bout that.

As always, if you have weird questions, or anything like that I would love to answer them tomorrow. Thank you guys for reading. :)

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today is awesome because I figured out how to get the video from my camera onto youtube, and I posted THIS video of Stranger Than Fiction. It's a really funny song about Rainbows and Square dancing :)

Books read 35
currently reading: 20 Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler

Less angst, I'm getting too old for this shit.

Firstly, thanks for the nice comments on yesterday's post. Sorry to get all angst-y and complain-y and annoying, but sometimes, I need an outlet. This is why normal people have best friends.

Maggie asked to be facebook friends in the comments yesterday, and I accept. I would love to be facebook friends with you, thanks :) I've really enjoyed reading all the other BEDA blogs out there. It makes me feel like I'm a part of something, and recently, well, for a long time, I haven't felt like I belonged anywhere.

Anyways, I was asked on Tuesday's post by Nick who my favorite youtuber was and why. This makes me want to tell the story of how I got into youtube. I feel that it's a story very similar to almost everyone else's story, but I'm telling it anyway.

One September day in 2008, my friend Jen sent me a youtube link in an AIM message saying: You love Harry Potter, you'll love this. I spent the next 4 days watching every single VlogBrother video up to that point. From John and Hank started to watch the 5 awesome Girls and Guys and officially became a part of Nerdfighteria. Through watching both 5AG's I started watching videos by people they recommended and found the person that I have to say makes my favorite videos. That person is JustMargaret. I LOVE her. She's funny and nerdy and reminds me of someone that I would be friends with in real life. So if I had to pick a favorite person on the Tubes, it's Margaret.

In completely unrelated news, Emma Watson, who plays Hermione in the Harry Potter movies, cut all her hair off, and apparently, its a HUGE deal on Tumblr.

Everyone else in the HP cast is changing their hair, but OMG the girl did it, life has ended. For the record, I think it looks nice Emma. Some girls can't pull off short hair, and I think she does it wonderfully. It's a big change from Hermione, which, honestly is the best thing she can do right now.

And the fact that Joey Richter, who plays Ron in the Musical, looks like Chip Skylark from the Fairly Odd Parents and MAY be putting together a Youtube Video in which he sings "My Shiny Teeth and Me." I will keep you all updated on that awesome piece of news, because, frankly, I'm far too excited about it.

This is Chip Skylark, in case you didn't know.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome because of you guys reading this blog. It felt nice to have people I don't know say "Hey it's going to be okay, chin up." I makes me feel like a person again. Thank you guys, really

Books Read 35

Currently Reading: 20 Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler 

I hate living here

It should be noted, that I live with my parents. I hate being here. I hate being around them, I always have, as long as I can remember. I don't want to live here, but seeing as I can't get a job, and I have no friends, I can't live anywhere else. The only thing I had to talk to, was my cat Neville, and he ran away, or died, or something. I haven't seen him since Friday.

Anyway, I want to spend the smallest amount of time possible around my parents. So, needless to say, I spend a lot of time in my room on the computer or reading. Since I have no actual people friends, I drown myself worlds that only exist inside other people's imagination.

Today I was eating dinner and my mom walks into the room, sees me and throws a newspaper at me, and says: Read this there's an article about how one of the restaurant in town lost it's liquor licence because of the accident. I put the paper down on the table because I have no interest in the subject and she freaks out and asks me what my problem is.

The accident, happened about a year and a half ago, a kid I went to middle school with was killed whilst driving too fast after drinking too much. I live in a small town, it was all anyone talked about for, like, a year. And my mom doesn't get that it bothers me when she talks about it like it's just some person I didn't know. But it is a person I knew, it's a person that shows up in the "People you may know" section of my facebook all the time. A person I spent seven years of my life with every week day between September and June. He was the first person my own age that I knew to die. She just doesn't get that. I don't want to read news paper articles about it, I don't want to drive down the road to see the new memorial. I don't want to listen to people talk about it all the time. And she doesn't fucking get it.

Yes, it was a year and a half ago. No, I'm not over it. No, he wasn't my friend. No, I didn't even like him all that much. Yes, the last time I saw him he waved to me and I hid behind my now former best friend. But whatever, stop talking about it like I'm not supposed to care anymore. Because I do, and I always will.  

I'm sick of being told I'm lazy and doing nothing. I'm sick of being told I'm not good enough, or smart enough to do things. I'm sick of living with a group of people I can't stand. I want to get out of here. I hate when I'm told I'm not trying hard enough to get a job, because, seriously, no one wants a job more than I do. I want to get out of here and never look back.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

I'll answer the questions that were left on Yesterday's post tomorrow.

Questions Answered

I shall now answer  your burning questions.

Rachel asked what kind of music I listen to, which is probably the hardest question I will ever have to answer. In truth, there isn't really a genre that I listen to more than others, well, maybe Wizard Rock, according to Itunes that is the genre that I have the most songs of, but I listen to a lot of everything. My favorite band is The Who, I've loved them forever, but I also really love Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers and Motion City Soundtrack. These three bands are completely different and in no way interconnected. The music that I listen can vary daily. I think it has something to do with the time we live in. With the access to the Internet and all different kinds of music and artists its hard to really pick one that you like more than anything.

I hope that makes sense.

Hannah and Vita both commented on how in my bio it says "I make Harry Potter references at inappropriate times." This steams from most of my sophomore year of college when I decided that EVERYTHING could, in fact be made into a HP reference. I do, however, agree with you, there is NO wrong time to make a Harry Potter reference, and with the musicals, it makes it SO much easier, everything is now a Harry Potter reference and I love it.

In the novel I'm writing I have a character that outwardly seems like, basically, a moron, but she has some of the more important "lines" in the book; the ones that change the course of the story or bring out a plot point. I am determined to make every single one of these thing a Harry Potter related sentence.

I loved that people actually asked questions!! This is why I love BEDA its such a great blogging community. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's blogs, and I hope that I'm at least a little bit entertaining. Again, if anyone has any questions about anything, me, life, quantum physics, leave them in the comments and I'll do my best to answer them tomorrow.

I am now off to the weekly Improv show that I go to. I'll tell ya'll about it tomorrow, hopefully I'll have pictures.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because Tuesday = Jake Ryan day :)

books read 35
currently reading: 20 Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler

A day late, but hey, you should know who I am

I was reading a bunch of the BEDA/ Blaugust posts that my fellow bloggers wrote yesterday, and I feel that I should introduce myself to anyone who has never read my blog before.

I am Deanna, I'm 23 and a HUGE nerd. Most of the Nerdyness revolves around Harry Potter.

I'm trying to become a writer, I'm really working on it. I'm like 98% done the first draft of a novel I've been writing for a while now. There's maybe, like, two, possibly three, chapters that I need to write. I just can't seen to get it.

I LOVE Maureen Johnson, not just for her books but for the person that she is; on twitter anyway. It gives me hope that I'm not too weird to exist, as some people that I have somehow managed to be best friends with in my life has suggested.

I have a huge crush on a person that I will refer to as Jake Ryan in this blog, because I love 80's movies. Unlike the real Jake Ryan, he knows I exist, I just don't really think he cares all that much.

This is my Desktop Wallpaper:


What else... umm, I'm a Gryffindor. I like to speak in code names, but I really don't hang out with enough people in the course of my life to list them.

If there is anything else you, people of BEDA would like to know, ask away! I'll answer any questions either in the comments on Tomorrow.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
(oh, I'll explain this. I'm a fan of John Irving novels, I mean, what 23 year old girl isn't! JKs no other 23 year old girl is. Anyway in A Widow For One Year, there is a guy that writes children's books, and that's how all of them end. So I've been ending my blogs with "And that is the end of the story since 2004, when I first read it. It's in ALL CAPS because of another John Irving Novel: A Prayer for Owen Meany.)

Today is awesome because I think it's raining, it hasn't rained in, like FOREVER, and rain may make my cat come back.

Books Read in 2010: 35
Currently Reading: 20 boy summer by sarah ockler

Blaugust

Welcome to what I'm going to call "Blaugust," a term I stole from one of my friends because I thought it was funny.

Honestly, my life isn't that exciting, and recently I've been in this weird uncreative rut. It sucks. I want to blame Harry Potter, and A Very Potter Sequel, but I honestly can't. The rut started before the Sequel debuted on YouTube. I haven't really read anything either, which is weird for me. I'm ALWAYS reading.

I'm currently downloading AVPM off YouTube, I downloaded the Sequel earlier, the first one is giving me some serious issues. I honestly hope my life gets more interesting so I have something to actually, you know, blog about. I'm fully committed to Blogging Every Day in August. I just hope that there are few days like this one, and lots where I have things to say.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I learned how to rip youtube videos which is Probably illegal, but whatever.

Books read 35