Wow, so it's almost 2012.

And I haven't posted a blog since September. *sigh*

I guess it's mostly because not much has changed. I'm still weirdly sad about nothing, and I still miss my friend. I mean, I've been having such a horrible time with this weird sickness that no one can seem to figure out. I've been to a couple specialist and had a whole bunch of tests done, but apparently there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I've just been extremely dizzy since April for no reason.

I haven't had anyone to really talk to since my friend left at the end of August. I mean I used to just have weird awesome conversations with him about nothing, and it would just make me feel better about everything. Since he transferred stores I've, just, felt like I have to hold everything in. I miss having that person around that I didn't have to pretend with, and I have no one to replace him with because my other friends really want to listen to me complain about being sick. It's like they think I'm just talking for no reason.

I don't know, I'm just looking forward to 2011 being over and hopefully 2012 goes a lot better.

Honestly it can only go up from here.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

So, yeah, I failed at BEDA

I failed horribly at BEDA, not because I didn't want to blog everyday, or because I couldn't but because I felt like I was slowly becoming more and more depressed and talking about it wasn't making it better. I'm feel so alone, like no one listens to me, and that I lost the only person who ever made even a little bit of effort to actually try, and sadly enough it was my boss, who's been promoted and moved on, but he was my friend, and I miss him.

All I really want to do is talk about how I miss my friend, but I don't want to think about how much I miss him because I don't think I should. Even in this half a paragraph I'm mad at myself for thinking about it. I feel like I should just move on, but I don't really know how. I mean, I feel like I annoy my other friends when I talk about it. I don't really think my other friends, Q mostly, understand that I literally would talk to this guy about anything, that he knows more about what's going on with my medical condition than they do, or even, if I'm being honest, my parents. He'd ask me what was going on and actually listen to me, and not automatically change the subject. Even if he wasn't actually interested in what was going on, he was amazing at faking it.

 I afraid that talking about it on here that you'll get annoyed with me and stop reading my blog, and you guys, you guys mean a lot to me. Even if I'm horrible at commenting on your blogs that I read regularly. I just don't want to mess up everything I've worked so hard for the last year to get, most meaning friends, because I got too attached to someone who wasn't supposed to be around for very long anyway.

I mean, Q is a great person and an awesome friend, but I'm so afraid that she's going to get annoyed with me and stop talking to me, just like everyone else. Every other one of my friends has gotten annoyed with me and just left me, and I terrified that it's going to happen again. I'm so bad at making and keeping friends. I know I've talked about that before, but I don't want to lose her too.

I'm sorry for being a loser and annoying, and I'm sorry for not following through on the BEDA promise I made.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I well, nothing awesome has happened today, but I only have a 4 hour shift, so I guess that's pretty awesome

Books Read: 16
Currently Reading: Marked by PC and Kristen Cast

So we kind of have an answer.

Firstly, I would like to thank Chris and Laura for you're kind words on yesterday's blog. It's nice to know that someone is listening. It meant a lot to me. Thank you.

I had a doctor's appointment today, and I sort of have an answer. I have either scarring in the deep tissue of my right inner ear, or something wrong with my nervous system/spinal cord. I have a clean MRI so we're starting on the simple things first. However, the medication for this is one that I always took for this issue, and all it does is make me tired, and when I'm tired I'm even more dizzy, so yeah for no real answers.

It's just so frustrating, because I told the doctor I already tried this medication, that it was the first one we tried, and he didn't care or listen. It sucks, not even people I'm paying to listen to me will listen to me.

Is it weird that I just want sit down with my manager and tell him this? because honestly, he's legit the only person who at least tries. He doesn't always act but he listens. I am going to be a very lost person when he leaves.

Last night was pretty funny, but I was honestly too upset to enjoy it like I usually do. How sad is that? The one thing I do that's supposed to make me happy, to be my release, couldn't even cheer me up.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because, well, I guess I kind of got some answers, not good ones, but it's something.

Because I matter.

The last few days I've felt really horrible, not health wise, but mental health wise. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, no one ever listens to me when I talk. I get lost in the shuffle, my requests get ignored, nobody seems to care what I think. I feel like a shadow most of the time. Like no one would notice if I wasn't there because no one notices when I am there.

Most of this comes from work, no matter where I've worked, I'll ask for something simple, no being scheduled on Tuesdays, being trained on the service desk, and I will be ignored. Completely ignored, time after time after time until I finally just give up and stop asking and watch as people who don't work as hard as I do, who don't deserve to have those opportunities, who haven't worked with the company as long as I have, get the simple things I want.

This happens at home too, which is why I spend most of my time, much like Harry Potter, alone in my room pretending I don't exist. It's just easier that way.

At work I'm just tired of being walked all over. I don't know if you remember the person I called "Abby" in a previous blog, but in a short recap, she's the one that decided it was okay to tell half the store I was sleeping with my manager because I told her the guy she liked was a tool and I wasn't going to be her friend if she kept talking about him. (It's a bit more complicated, but that's the basics.) Abby started working in the store in November, I started in August of last year. She has gotten trained on the service desk even though she claims that she doesn't want to learn and just wants to transfer out of the front end and wants nothing to do with it. But Deanna, who's been asking to be trained over there longer than Abby's worked there can't get over there for a couple hours. It's not fair, and not matter how often I go to my manager and complain and ask I get empty promises and maybe next weeks from him.

I just kind of let everything out last night, just everything that I was feeling about the situation and how I'm tired of being ignored and looked at like a joke and laughed at when I want something simple, and I completely broke down and cried like an idiot in front of him. I just can't take being ignored anymore, and I know he's not doing in on purpose I've seen him try and work with the CSMs to get me trained over there, he's done it so that I'm able to hear him when he talks to them so I know he's doing it. But the CSMs think it's just some kind of funny joke that I'm not in on.

This isn't just about my job, it's about everything, canceled plans every time I make them, promises that never get kept, I'm so tired of it. I'm exhausted, and I'm constantly dizzy, I don't know what's wrong with me and I just want one person who cares.

I'm sick of being laughed at. I'm sick of being a joke I don't understand. I'm sick of being ignored. I'm sick of being replaced. I'm sick of being forgotten. I'm sick of everything. I just want one person to care about me. And the harder I look for that the more impossible it seems.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Want to hear an embarrassing story?

This is going to be super short because I just got home from work and honestly I really want to play the sims.

Today at work, I was in the bathroom and I ripped the front of my pants, like the entire front of my pants right next to the zipper. So I borrowed my supervisors sweatshirt and she let me go out to the clearance tent until my lunch since it’s a lot less awkward to have a giant hole in your pants when no ones around. 

She was talking to me over the walkie, and my Manager decided that he should make sure I was okay because of my vertigo. So he came out to the tent, but he was not alone, he brought another manager with him. So there are two managers in the clearance tent, and I have exposed underpants (covered by a sweatshirt but still super awkward). 

And that was my wonderful day today.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

today was awesome because my register didn't have any buttons. It was hilarious. 

I'm a rambler

I wish I could blog about real things, like stuff going on in the real world things. It's not like they don't care about them, but I I don't really form opinions about them. I mean bad things happen all the time and my friends tell me about them and they're outraged, and I'm like, "some creepy old guy asked me if I was married today."
(that actually happened today btw he asked if I was married and then started to talk to me about the price of potatoes, it was so weird.)

What I want to talk about is the cat bite on my arm and how I do not like my brother, and the how nice it is to have more than one friend. I've never really had anyone to sit in the break room with on a regular basis, it's kind of cool, but imagine this, he's leaving too.

I do not deal well with change, I'm barely used to the status quo. This next month is going to suck. I'll probably have a nervous breakdown at some point because the new manager doesn't run things like our manager does. I mean, it's going to take forever to have the "look at you and know what's wrong" type of relationship with this new person. And that's if this person even likes me, which they probably won't. Most people think I'm weird and don't really talk to me. This is why I'm excited that I have two friends. The raptor is going get so much worse when our manager leave, and everyone has been saying that they think it will go away.

And this cat bite, it's oozing puss and big and red and my dad says it's fine but he cut his thumb off once and taped it back on with duct tape, so he might be a bad person to seek medical advice from.

My brother, well, that's a whole different blog post, maybe later.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because my Store Manager said hello to me, and I started raptoring and he was laughing to hard to explain to the other store managers touring our store today what just happened.

In which Deanna complains about her job.

Since I work at the same place as my mother and all my friends, I find it very difficult to rage appropriately about things, unless I'm raging, you know, at my manager. He's really good at understand that sometimes I just have to rage. So this is going to be a rage filled blog.

Firstly, yesterday, it was announced that our Manager, was promoted, and will be transferring stores, and that the front end supervisor was basically fired. So we're going to have to break in two new front end people in a matter of weeks. Most of the front end doesn't really like our manager because he's kind of a lot immature, and 24, and he somehow found himself in charge of 50 or so mostly female cashiers and service desk people and he kind of can't deal with it. And most of us aren't very nice to him. But as mentioned in previous blog posts, he's always been nice to me and tends to go out of his way to make sure I'm okay and not going to fall and kill myself. The front end has had a pretty easy time with him in control and honestly, the second he's gone I have a feeling everyone's going to start talking about how they miss him.

ANYWAY, that's not what I'm mad about. I tend to not think before I say things, and one of my friends posted that he was leaving on my facebook wall, it's not a secret by any stretch of the imagination that I think our manager is attractive, an idiot, but attractive. Less than ten seconds after my friend posted on my wall I got a message from a girl I work with asking how I knew about this already since I wasn't at work today and why I always seem to know things that happen to and about our manager before anyone else because she was getting annoyed with how close we are.

I wasn't really sure how to respond so I mostly told her there isn't anything going on and if there was I wouldn't tell her anyway. So it's kind of a good thing that he's leaving soon, so we don't have to go through that fun-ness again, because it was awkward enough the first time. I hate rumor spreaders. So what if I'm friends with him? So what if he comes over my register and asks me how my doctor's appointment went that week? I don't understand why this is important to people. I'm sorry I'm friends with someone who is the same age I am who has similar interests, oh he just happens to be my boss and he's hott. Who cares? Apparently everyone.

I'm not done raging. I have been asking to be trained on the desk since November, I'm supposed to start "Next Week" (it's in quotes because I don't know if he mean actual next week or the next schedule that comes out next week.). I was just sitting in the break room with one of the CSM's and my friend that works service desk. My friend asked me when she would be training me and I said "Next week." The CSM then flips her shit at me telling me that she didn't know that and that our manager needed to tell the CSMs that before promising me anything.

In my head I was like, whoa, back up bitch. You know I want to be over there, you're the one who suggested it. Do not yell at me because our manager didn't clear it with you first.

Outwardly I was like, *shrug*.

Some days I just really hate my job.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I convinced my friend that tomato plants are actually celery sticks.

Books read 13
Currently reading GOF

This is going to be short.

I'm super dizzy, and kind of regretting not going to the trivia last night. I mean the improv was awesome as always, but that's just the thing, as always. Who knows what could have been? I took the road always traveled.

Anyway, I had to stay home from work because of dizziness but I received news that my Manager is transferring stores. I feel weird about this, and I don't really know how to explain it. I mean, it's going to take a really long time to break in a new manager the way I have broken in my current manger.

so I need to go lay down again. I will talk to you again tomorrow.

Time to hear about my doctor's appointment.

London/ all of England is currently on fire, I'm worried for the people there, but I don't know enough to comment on it, so I'm not going to. I just hope people stay safe.

As I once again type while curled into a ball of dizziness. This time I kind of have a reason. I spent my morning at a forty five degree angle, head down, blindfolded, while a doctor blew air into my ears and asked me to name states. It was horrible.

Then I tired to work, and apparently my eyes rolled into the back of my head, so the service desk girl, whom I'm friends with, walked me out back, but before she did she basically yelled across the front end that she could always call the front end manager to walk me out back it I would like that better. Just when I was hoping that was over, whatever, it's kind of funny now, I just kind of wish she'd stop referring to him as my boyfriend, because it's a little awkward.

Anyway I made it through about 3 hours of my shift until I explained what happened at my doctor's appointment (and my eyes kept rolling into the back of my head) and my manager said "You should go home, I don't want you do die at Walmart." Almost got him to drive me home, but then he had to do work, or something.

I find out on next Wednesday what/if anything is wrong with me. I will of course keep you posted.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I'm one step closer to answers.

Books read: 13
Currently reading: Goblet of Fire

Deanna likes to copy people.

Because I have nothing to blog about, I'm going to do the book meme that fellow BEDA-er The Antisocial librarian  has been posting this week. I am, however, far too lazy to link all the books like she did, so I'm not going to do that...

I know I did not blog yesterday, I was at a cookout, then I kind of couldn't move (vertigo) I do have a doctor's appointment tomorrow which should fix this. I hope

Day 01 – Best book you read last year: 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. This book was just so wonderfully written. I connected so much to Hannah, I just really can't explain how excellent this book is. If you haven't read it, read it now, seriously.                                                                                                                                  

Day 02 – A book that you’ve read more than 3 times: Catcher in the Rye. I love this book, and it was assigned reading in, literally, every literature class It took in college, as well as two of my high school classes. I think normal people would, you know, hate this book at this point, but I gladly picked it up an re-read it over and over.

Day 03 – Your favorite series: I want to say HARRY POTTER! but everyone says Harry Potter, so I'm going with my number two favorite, which is the Jessica Darling series by Megan McCafferty. LOVE
 

Day 04 – Favorite book of your favorite series: Charmed Thirds. It covers Jessica's college years, and when I read it the first time it was exactly where I was in life. I read this book in, like, 7 hours the first time.

Day 05 – A book that makes you happy: The Harry Potter Series. All of them

Day 06 – A book that makes you sad: I have never cried more than when reading Deathly Hallows, so Deathly Hallows

Day 07 – Most underrated book: Ever heard of Bitterroot Landing by Sheri Reynolds? It was recommended to me by my literature teacher in college, she said that she was thinking of using in in her coming of age literature class, which I had just taken. Brilliant book, there's a lot of sexual abuse and really weird shit that happens in it, but I really think it needs more people to read it, because it's wonderful. 

Day 08 – Most overrated book: Unless you count the Twilight Series, I don't think there is really an actual overrated book, so I'm going to take this and name a book that is overrated by my friends. Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin, I mean, I like it, but it wasn't exactly an amazing book. It's gotten a lot of praise and several of my friends say it's, like, the best book ever, but I don't really get it.

Day 09 – A book you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving: Breakfast of Champions of Kurt Vonnegut. This book was handed to me because I was complaining about not having anything to read. I remember saying "I'll read this, but I won't like it." Then read the whole thing in like three hours because I loved it so much.

Day 10 – Favorite classic book: The Hobbit. Does that count? DOES NOW

Day 11 – A book you hated: My friend wanted me to read the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton, couldn't. I don't know if it was the subject matter or what, I mean it was written well, but I just couldn't stand it.

Day 12 – A book you used to love but don’t anymore: I love all books always. I can't really think of one that I've re-read and didn't like a second time.

Day 13 – Your favorite writer: Maureen Johnson.

Day 14 – Favorite book of your favorite writer: The Bermudez Triangle

Day 15 – Favorite male character: Neville Longbottom, also probably Owen Meany from A Prayer for Owen Meany.

Day 16 – Favorite female character: Luna Lovegood.

Day 17 – Favorite quote from your favorite book: I'm doomed to remember the boy with the wrecked voice-- not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument in my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God.

Day 18 – A book that disappointed you: Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin

Day 19 – Favorite book turned into a movie: I try not to watch books made from movies because the books are ALWAYS BETTER but Chamber of Secrets.

Day 20 – Favorite romance book: I have never read a romance novel, so I'm going to be all I don't have one.

Day 21 – Favorite book from your childhood: Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I LOVED these books as a kid.

Day 22 – Favorite book you own: A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving

Day 23 – A book you wanted to read for a long time but still haven’t: So I've never read the Lord of the Ring trilogy. I mean I own it, but I haven't read it... I feel like a horrible book nerd.

Day 24 – A book that you wish more people would’ve read: Bitterroot Landing by Sheri Reynolds. READ IT NOW

Day 25 – A character who you can relate to the most: Hannah from Thirteen Reasons Why. I have never related to a character as much as her.

Day 26 – A book that changed your opinion about something: I'm going to say Harry Potter, because it's changed so much about my life that I wouldn't be the same person without reading it. It changed everything.

Day 27 – The most surprising plot twist or ending: Prisoner of Azkaban. Even knowing the ending, still surprised.

Day 28 – Favorite title: Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler, I picked it up because of the title, ended up being a pretty awesome book.

Day 29 – A book everyone hated but you liked: A Separate Peace by John Knowels. I read it in a lit class, everyone else legit hated it and nothing nice to say. I read it three times, and each time, I loved it. I don't know why my classmates didn't like it.

Day 30 – Your favorite book of all time: A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving. It changed my life almost as much as Harry Potter. It saved me. This book, honestly I can't say enough about it.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome because someone told me that the best way to relieve the vertigo is to lay with my hips above my head. I am totally telling my manager this tomorrow, just to see the look on his face. 

Books read: 13

currently reading: Goblet of Fire

Aidan

I have mentioned Aidan several times in my blog before, but I know it's been a while, so I'm going to reintroduce him.

Aidan is a customer that I met the day after his 7th birthday. He was buying Prisoner of Azkaban with his birthday money and basically told me that he got picked on a lot at school for liking to read and I told him that I would be his friend. That is in, like, October, November, something like that. Every time he's in the store with his mom, they try to come through my line so he can tell me how far along he is in the HP series, and his mom calls me his girlfriend. It's kind of adorable.

Today he found me, and he said that he'd just finished reading Half Blood Prince. He was very angry at Professor Snape (Dumbledore was his favorite character). He hasn't started reading Deathly Hallows yet, but he's very excited to see Harry "murder Snape's face off."

I love the little moments that Aidan talks about every time I see him. I miss that, I miss not knowing and looking forward to each page turn. I'm re-reading the series now, and yeah, every time I read it it's more amazing and some how better than it was before, but it will never be like it is for Aidan now. And I'm really sad about that.

I mean, I'll never be as excited about anything as I was excited about Harry Potter. I'm just starting to come out the denial stage after the last movie. I'm just sad that somehow, nothing will ever be the same ever be the same again.

I mean I'm sure they'll be moments in my life that better than Harry, but nothing will ever do what Harry did for me. No person has ever been there for me like Harry has, and I doubt I will ever care about anyone as much as I care about those books. It's strange really to think about, but it just feels so weird to feel the end.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Because of the faces that people make when you ask them to come to work on Monday just in case you have to get your head cut open because you don't want to explain it to anyone else.

Books read: 12
Currently reading: HP POA

In which Deanna talks Sims.

Know what's awesome? Sims Medieval.

I play a lot of Sims, mostly because I have few real life friends and I enjoy killing my enemies (only fictionally of course I recently threw Jake Ryan in to the pit to be eaten by the Beast that lives under my kingdom for no reason. I mean, I had a reason, but it wasn't like his Sim did anything wrong. He was a good Blacksmith). Anyway, in March, I bought the Sims Medieval, and besides that fact that my computer likes to delete my games about half way through ambitions, it's quite a lot of fun, and better than regular Sims.

Have any of you played it?

I feel like it's less addicting than regular Sims, because there's specific tasks that make it easier to stop. I like that you can play as different people of different classes and I enjoy that I can play several families at once, and that I don't have to teach toddlers how to walk or potty train them.

The reason I've decided to make a mostly pointless blog post about the Sims is because I've been playing it since I got home from work, and no matter how often I play it, I always think, this game is so much more awesome than other Sims, and I felt the need to share that.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I got to hang out with my friends in the break room today. It's always awesome to hang out with my friend.

Books read: 12
Currently reading: HP POA



  

Already missed a day?

Yes I did, which means you'll be getting two blogs from me today. Sorry about that.


I spent most of yesterday asleep due to extreme dizziness, so there wasn't really anything to blog about, and at about 11:30 I remembered it was August and I had to blog anyway but at that point I was almost asleep, so yeah... laziness is mostly why you didn't hear from Deanna yesterday.


Chris said that he wasn't really sure what Stranger than Fiction was, and since I'll probably be talking about it a lot in August I'm going to try to explain it better.
It's like that show "Who's Line is it Anyway" only with more audience involvement, and a personal connection with the actors, which makes the show funnier. They also play different games, and do long form improv which since I don't do improv, I can't really explain, but that's the basics. I hope that helps. 


And Now I Shall Steal a favorites list for Paige. 

Color: Green

Book: A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

Movie: Back to the Future

Harry Potter Book: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Harry Potter Character: Neville Longbottom

Website: Probably Tumblr

Animal: Armadillo

Class: The best classes I ever took were 11th grade English, and Creative Writing

TV Show: Doctor Who

Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chip cookie dough

Clothing Store: I shop at Kohls a lot, but I don't really have a favorite

Food: Macaroni and cheese

Pizza Topping: Pepperoni 

Musical: I haven't really ever seen a musical that wasn't written and performed by the Starkids, so I'm just going to say A Very Potter Musical... 

Song Currently Stuck In Your Head: Sadly enough, Friday, but the version that Alex Carpenter and Co did, because I do not have Rebecca Black on my Ipod.

Wrock Song: Save Ginny Weasely from the Basilisk- Harry and the Potters

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

Today is awesome because, well yesterday was awesome because I finally got a doctor's appointment!

Books read: 12
Currently reading: Prisoner of Azkaban

The only woman in space wants a sex change to make it with a robot.

Firstly, I wanted to say that I'm magical now. I am officially registered for POTTERMORE and my username is Leviosakey155, I'm a little bit more than regular excited about this.

ANYWAYS
I went to Stranger than Fiction (STF) tonight, and it was awesome. They do this long form game which is a rumble and fight to the death. This probably makes no sense if you haven't seen it, and I'm kind of horrible at explaining things, especially improv things. This rumble took place in space, and included space water, gravity boots, and a robot that only cared about military status and ranking, but somehow ended up being re-programmed to be gay, and the only woman left in space toward the end of the rumble wanted a sex changed preformed by Stephen Hawking so that the robot would love/ have sex with her.

Honestly, that's pretty much par for the course at Stranger than Fiction shows.

In health news, today was like a 6 in dizziness, but a 8 in raptor noise anxiety.

Did I tell you about the raptor? I don't think I did, I have an anxiety disorder that causes me to make a noise very similar to the raptors in the Jurassic Park movies, which has also been described as an eagle noise. It's kind of annoying, and happens pretty much all the time, especially at work and extra at STF. Today, however, it was extra bad because there was a thunder storm, and I was rather dizzy so I was freaking out about that. I have way too many health issues at the moment. *eye roll*

I have added everyone on the list to my subscriptions and I look forward to reading your blogs for the next 30 days. :) Happy BEDA everyone.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because a gravity boot is like a glass, except it's a boot.

Books read: 12
Currently reading: Prisoner of Azkaban

Hello August!

Hi, fellow BEDA writers, welcome to August.

I promise to go through all the people on the BEDA list and follow their blogs, but today that's kind of too much for me. I have vertigo (it basically means I'm constantly dizzy which sucks about 300x worse than you're thinking it does) which right now is really horrible and making it very difficult to sit up, let alone type, so I apologize for the shortness of this post.

I look forward to reading the blogs of the people I met through this last year, and meeting new bloggers.

I'm going to do a quick introduction like thing, if you have any questions or just want to know anything about me, leave a comment and I will get back to you tomorrow.

Who are you?
I am Deanna, I'm 24, and I currently live in Southern New Hampshire

Why are you doing this?
Maureen Johnson told me do, and frankly, I do everything Maureen tells me to do.

Why will I be reading for the next 31 days?
I blog mostly about my life, which is boring, very boring. Unlike last year, however, I have friends now! and a job! so my life isn't quite as boring, but there is only so much I can tell you about the inter-workings of being a Walmart cashier.

My manager is an interesting person, however, so expect to hear about him a lot.

I will also probably, depending on what everyone else does, post meme's and such to keep it interesting.

Also on Tuesdays I go to an improv show, only, if you are a regular reader of the blog you'll understand this, there will be a lot less talking about Jake Ryan, because Jake Ryan is a jerkface with an apparently secret girlfriend, but on Tuesdays expect excitement about improv and on Wednesdays expect hand spams of what happened the night before.

Hogwarts House:
I am a Slytherin.

Anything else?
At the end of my blog I always have a "how many books I've read this year" and a "currently reading" as well as a "why today was awesome". I'm really far behind my goal for reading this year, mostly due to work, being sick, and my work schedule... I also end every blog post with the phrase "AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY" because I love John Irving novels.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because glaring at my Manager is just as effective, if not more, than talking to him.

Books read: *cough* 11 *cough
Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

I helped write a novel yesterday.

A NOVEL in a day. I couldn't tell you what it's about, unless you want to know the inter workings of chapter 9, I can tell you pretty much anything you need to know.

It was like mini nanowrimo, only each person was responsible for one chapter (2700 words). There were 24 people involved, 23 writers, and one illustrator all working on making something. It was amazing. I knew two of the people involved, my High School English Teacher, and one of the cast members of Stranger than Fiction. I did recognize twitter handles and faces from other things my High School English Teacher does, but that's not really important. The important part is that together in 24 hours we wrote a novel, together.

If you would like to read it, you can get the pdf file here:
http://www.johnherman.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/OVERFLY.pdf

I think you should. There were some really, really talented writers involved.

OH and also Ruth: You asked in my last blog if who I like Anna and the French Kiss and Before I Fall. I LOVED them. Legit everything I look for when reading a book, brilliant writing. I can't wait to read more by both authors.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I still feel what I can only describe as a "I did something really awesome high."

Books read 6
currently reading: Elsewhere

EDIT in response to Ruth's comment question. Which I'm kind of guessing will be everyone's question:

They was it worked was once everyone had agreed to do the project, several of the writers created a rough outline and some characters and assigned each writer a chapter with a starting point and a suggestion for the middle, the ending of the chapter was pretty much up to the writer. At midnight on the 28th, John, the project leader, started to post the outline and the characters along with pieces of the setting that were in more than one  piece of the novel. No one really knew what they were going to write or what the book was about until the 28th, honestly I'm still kind of confused about the whole book, but I'm really excited to read it. We mostly communicated through twitter and some of us were in a local coffee shop where we could converse about aspects of the novel, like character traits, names of places, how old, Maggie, the main character was (weird inside joke). The best way I can describe it is an intense one day NaNoWriMo.

The notsome-ness that is my life.

Well, there will be some awesome toward the end, but lets start with the notsome.

I mentioned in my last blog that I have vertigo and the hiccups. After a series of doctor appointments including  an upper endoscopy yesterday we still have no idea what is wrong with me. The new doctor said that I don't have the hiccups, and doesn't know what he raptor-like hiccuping noise I make is. It's annoying, especially since I work with the public and people are not exactly nice about it. Fortuity, however, my manager is, so I haven't lost hours like I thought I would. Especially since I have to go home early sometimes because I literally can't stand up because I'm so dizzy. He's actually the only one who isn't incredibly annoyed by me at work or at home at the moment, which is strangely refreshing. I have more tests today, and next Tuesday and the Tuesday after that. I'm just really looking forward to not getting the weird looks and eye rolling whenever I'm anywhere.

Enough of that.  Now The Awesome

I've been invited to be a part of a collaborative writing project with a whole bunch of people including High School English Teacher. I'm uberly excited about it. I'll try to remember to post something about it on Saturday, but since that's the day that I'll be writing, it may not happen.

This is what the project is the way I understand it. I'm in charge of writing a single chapter of a novel that will come together over the course of Saturday. People can watch the novel actually come together live on the internet. If you're interested you just check here: http://www.johnherman.org/2011/05/20/24-hour-novel-project/ on Saturday and you can watch.

There are a ton of people involved and I'm really excited to have the chance to actually has something to do with the four years I spent in college. I'm, like, so excited that I was thought of to be a part of this project I don't even think I can explain it in words. The only adjective I can think of to describe this feeling is "eiohakjghiewtheklhgihkekhiasjg."  

I miss writing, with everything going on in my life at the moment, between the Abby situation and the raptor noise, I haven't had the time or energy to sit down and write. You guys have probably noticed with my lack of blogging and how few books I read this year. Hopefully this will get me back on track, hopefully, and get me out of this weird funk thing that I've been in recently.

ALSO
STF starts soon, like 3 weeks. *excitement*

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I'm closing with Q tonight! :)

Books Read: 6
Currently reading: Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin
(I've read Anna and the French Kiss and Before I Fall since my last blog)

Getting back on track.

I don't know what week this actually is or how many blog weeks I've missed, but I'm sure I'll make up for it in August when I do BEDA.

SITUATION UPDATE!
So after possibly the single most awkward 3 days of my entire life, it seems that everything is pretty much back in working order. Manager and I have fallen back into the weird whatever it was, friendship thing we had before. I can be in his presence and not feel like he knows to much. He can look me in the face when he talks to me. It's all good.  He's also fixed the schedule so that Abby and I don't work together as often as we used to, and that is 100% his doing. I actually ended up not asking him to do that like I was going to. But seriously, I can handle being around her as long as she's not glaring at me.

I have finally stopped receiving text messages from Abby. I mean, I blocked her number, so I don't know if she actually stopped sending them, but I stopped getting them.

The rumor however, is still going around. However from what I understand, all of upper management is aware and basically people need to stop and move on with their lives, but until something equally as fun to talk about happens I will be the topic of conversation in the break room. Oh well, at least the right people know the truth, and it's funny to the right people, which honestly at this point is all I want.

Basically it's all good. It hasn't been all good in a while.

IN OTHER NEWS
I have vertigo, and it is the opposite of fun.
It just kind of came out of no where on Sunday at work, and I haven't been able to shake this weird dizzy feeling. I also have had the hiccups since last Wednesday. At this point I'm not really sure which is worse, but the hiccups hurt and the dizziness is annoying so it's kind of a tie.

I'm really going to work on blogging weekly again. I feel bad, well more disappointed in myself than anything really. *shrug*

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today was awesome because Doctor Who.

Book Read *cough* 4 *cough*
Currently reading Anna and the French Kiss By Stephine Perkins

Update

Real life convo: awkward manager edition

Me: In November you, like, accidently threw a whole bunch of signs at me and I didn’t know your name so when I told Q and Abby about it I refered to you as “the cute one.”

Manager: Wait, I threw signs at you?

---------

The conversation I talked about yesterday actually went really well and wasn't even close to as awkward as I thought it was going to be. I have a feeling the worst is yet to come but considering that was his exact reaction to me telling him I called him cute I can imagine how anything she says will be taken. 

He told me not to worry about anything being said that will get him in trouble which I stressed was why I was so upset. He said he understood, but not to worry about. He told me he could tell I was upset and doesn't want me to feel like that a work.  

I'm still concerned about what she's going to say when he calls her into the office to talk to her, but I really don't think he cares if I have or had a crush on him. He seemed to, like, actually care that I was so upset, which is, probably, the most manger-like thing he's ever done.  

I'm glad it will be over soon. Hopefully he actually does what he said he was going to do. 

AND THAT IS hopefully THE END OF THE STORY

why I've been away

Because I think it's about time you should know.

I hide little of my life from the internet, especially you guys, the people who care enough about my stupid, lonely, life to read my blog and even feel the need to comment on it occasionally, which makes me feel better about my sad, lonely, pathetic life. There is a reason I confide so much in the internet, to people I barely know, because I don't make friends in real life easily and when I do, I have either a very hard time keeping them because they don't actually like me, or I let them walk all over me until I'm broken and basically nothing of me is me anymore.

Right now I have a really good friend, like the best friend I've ever had,Q. She's not trying to change me, she gets me, and she actually likes me. It's kind of a miracle, really. At the same time, I have or rather had, a friend who is very similar to the best friend I had in high school, the one that would take everything I wanted, everything I had and ruin it for me. This new girl, I'll call her Abby, because I say so, is literally making my life impossible to live.

I guess I must start at the beginning, since that's the logical place to start. I don't recall if I talked about this in my blog before or not, but in November or December, a guy I work with a lot now but didn't work with at all then, throw a whole bunch of signs at me while I was standing at my locker. Why? Because, well, he's an idiot, and adorable idiot, but still. I did not know this gentleman's name, so when I went and told my two friends, Q and Abby, about this event, I called him "the cute one."  Notice how I said "the cute one," and not "Guy I wish to sleep with," or "guy I now have an undying love for." Just "the cute one."

Q, because she's, you know, normal, knew about whom I was speaking and almost sort of agreed that he was sort of attractive. Abby believed that I had a huge obnoxious crush on this guy, which in all honesty, I did for a short time. However, I did come to my senses and realize that I will only ever love Jake Ryan. I mean, I have I love Jake Ryan socks, you can't really get more hard core.

FAST FORWARD TO A MONTH AGO.
Idiot sign thrower guy now writes my schedule, and is the front end manager also known as my manager. I should also mention although it has no relevance to the story, that I have 3 months older than him. He's still adorable btw, and I will not lie, I greatly enjoy staring at him, because he is pretty. I DO NOT however, want him. There is something else, I talk to him. I can actually form words and have conversations with him, which if you've known me for more than 10 minutes you know that the fact that I am able to form coherent sentences and look at his face while I talk to him means I'm not in love with him.


I'm pretty sure at this point you're reading this thinking, Deanna, you've pointed out about 800 times that you don't love this guy, clearly meaning you do. NO. I'm getting there. I just want to make it clear that I don't love him.

Because it's kind of funny, I just kind of go with things that people say sometimes, and the "Deanna has a crush on our manger" thing was just ridiculous enough to be funny so I just went with it. Honestly it only got annoying when Abby told me that she had a hard time looking at him because of the things I've said about him, which in it's entirety includes: that one time I said he was cute, and one time I jokingly said I was distracted by his presence because I said a lady's total wrong while he was standing next to me. Does he come up in regular conversation? Yeah he does, a lot. You're just going to kind of believe me when I say that if you worked with this kid, you'd talk about him a lot too. If the amount people talk about him equals love, then I know a bunch of sixty year old ladies who are head over heels for a twenty-four year old guy.

Quick side story that is completely related to this story and it will make sense in a few paragraphs I promise:

I spend a ridiculous amount of time at Wal Mart. I live in the same town I work in. The Wal Mart was built when I was junior in high school. It's kind of the local hang out. If you walk around this Wal Mart, I could point to at least 15 people I either graduated with or were the year above or below me in high school in that store at any given point. And it's not just my class, it's something that still goes on with recent high school kids. there is nothing else to do in our town but hang out at Wal Mart. If I didn't work there, I would be spending as much time there as I do now when I'm not on the clock.

Anyway, Abby.
The fourth time I received the "I have a very hard time looking him in the face because you have such a ridiculous huge crush on him" text message, I told her to go suck a dick and leave me alone, only not as nicely.

You see, Abby is OBSESSED and I have proof of this, with a guy. And this obsession started around the same time I had signs thrown at me, and since these two events happened about the same time, clearly the level of love and obsession are equal, at least that's what I think she thinks. I can't know how she thinks but it's the only thing that makes her actions make sense. She's like crazy creeping borderline stalking this guy. I was really just sick of her attitude and her negative-ness and everything and I just can't be friends with someone like that anymore, I just can't.

So I cut off contact with her. So in return, she glares at me and acts like she's 12 and talks about me behind my back. Which I hear about because there is a wonderful cashier at work who likes to tell you what people say about you. I kind of love her.

SUNDAY
I get a text asking me if I'm still mad at Abby. I say "No I just have no desire to ever talk to you again." So she gets all annoyed and tells me that she was only ever a good friend to me and how she can't be responsible if I get upset when she tells me the truth about my actions. I basically tell her to go fuck off, and she tells me that management approached her and asked her why I spend so much time in the store.

WAL MART RULE:
A member of management is not allowed to talk to an hourly employee other than that employees supervisor about another employee.
I can't even get a member of management to tell me if my mother is in the store, and everyone knows we're related.

So what she said was a bold faced lie.

She then continued to tell me that instead of telling them "the truth" she just said she didn't know.

WHAT SHE THINKS THE TRUTH IS:
I desperatly want to get into our manger's pants.

ACTUAL TRUTH:
I have nothing else to do.

WHAT I DID SUNDAY NIGHT:
Spent half the afternoon in the break room talk to two different managers, my mother, and Q. And also trying to convince my manger that I didn't hear him when he said hi to me, and I was not mad at or ignoring him, because he's 8. Reason number two that what Abby says happened didn't happen, because frankly if any manger wanted to ask me why the hell I was in the store on my day off they would have asked me while I was eating food with them in the break room.

I am telling you this because I completely terrified that Abby is going to start saying something about our manager and me, you know, as a collective unit. Because Abby believes that I spend so much time in the store to be close to him, to talk to him, to flirt with him, which is 110% not true. I spend so much time in that store because I get bored staying in my house all the time and that's where my friends are. I have went to the store with the sole purpose of talking to him twice, possibly three times and each time was because he messed up my schedule or I had to talk to him about something else work related. I do not seek him out. If he happens to be around when I'm there, yeah, we talk, we're the same age, we have things in common, he's a nice guy, but I'm not in love with him.

I'm really worried that she's not going to get the attention she's looking for from telling everyone that I like him, which honestly everyone thinks that already because I stare at him, and she's going to make more of it than there is and he's going to get in trouble, he could lose his job because of a rumor like that. And I don't want it to be my fault.

What does this have to do with my complete absence from the internet lately? Well, this girl has made me so stressed out over the last month that I can barely eat, I've just been waiting for shit to hit the fan and I wasn't sure how I was going to get in front of it and stop it.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my manager. He HAS to know at least part of what's going on because when I told him I had to talk to him yesterday he kind of ran away from me, and when I stopped him when he was leaving, he kind of rolled his eyes hand leaned on one of the soda machines like he knew what was coming and didn't want to get involved. It's going to be a fun awkward half hour. I can only imagine. But something has to be done about this. I don't care if it means I end up losing hours so that Abby and I don't work the same shifts, I just need to get away from her, and I need her to leave me alone.

AND this is why I've been absent from Tumblr, and my collab youtube channel, and twitter, and here. This situation, which hopefully will be over tomorrow, so I can go back to normal.

AND THAT IS almost THE END OF THE STORY

Oh, hi...

Sorry, I didn't forget about you. I've been reading everyone's blogs, I've just been too lazy to write my own.
I just have nothing to write about. I feel like I can only tell the internet so much about how many hours I work at walmart and how I savior Tuesdays because most weeks it's my only day off.

I could tell you about how adorably, awkwardly, annoying my boss is, but that's not exciting.

I don't know, I'm in a weird non-writing funk at the moment. I'm finding it hard to get into reading too. I've been through these kinds of funks before, but last time I was a sophomore in high school, and it wasn't a good time for me. This time I don't think it's anything like that, I'm not sad or anything I'm just, I don't know, stressed out I guess. I mean there's a lot of stuff going on with my RL friends and their personal lives, that I can't talk about on here because it's their personal business and not for me to post about on here. I guess it's just getting to me.

I feel like I can tell you guys, my invisible internet friend everything, if I feel myself slipping, I blog about it, I promise. I did that last time, and you guys really helped me out. I don't know, I just feel really weird lately.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
today was awesome because, thank goodness, it's finally my Friday.

Books read: 3
Currently reading: Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton

I'm pretty sure I missed a week, possibly two.

But that doesn't mean you've missed anything! (Meaning my life if boring and boring and lame).

I hang out at walmart a lot. Now I did this before I worked there, but I do it a lot more now. I mean all my friends are there, and our Manager thinks it's funny to schedule us on opposite shifts because we asked to close together, so now I open and she closes. So I just chill at walmart until she goes to lunch so we can talk. I mean it's not like we don't get work done when we're together, there's just a lot more giggling when we are.

I'm also fairly convinced he secretly hates me. It's not my fault he gets super embarrassed when people say "condoms," and now I feel the need to say it all the time when he's near me because it's funny.

OH! Speaking of condoms, and walmart, I had a woman who was, like, 30ish, come through my line on Saturday. At first her whole order was batteries, totally normal happens all the the time, people by 9 billion packs of batteries. THEN it got weird. She ended up buying $290 worth of batteries and condoms. Try not to start giggling during a transaction like that, I dare you. It's really hard. My Supervisor told me I should get an award for not laughing, my Manager however, turned bright red and walked away.

That's basically my life right there. BUT this weekend I'm going to be doing some funny Harry Potter/awesome friend stuff. So that blog will at least be semi interesting. Until then though,

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because all Tuesdays are awesome

Books read: 3
Currently reading: Finished The Hitchhicker's guide to the Galaxy 20 minutes go, so I don't know if I want to read something else or just into Restaurant at the end of the Universe.

Let's talk about Glee, because it's Thursday and I'm still mad

Okay, so I know there is A LOT going on in the world right now, crazy horrible things, but I'm going to talk about Glee, not because I don't care about everything else in the world, but because I'm in the same room as my mom, who is re-watching this week's episode, and I'm in a rage.

I know it's just a stupid television show, but honestly they had a real chance to make a difference about something that is a huge problem in the United States, and probably other places, and they didn't, if anything, they probably added to the problem. Am I saying the Glee could have single handedly stopped teenage/ underage drinking? No. What I'm saying is they gave some high school freshman who sees Rachel Berry as a role model the excuse they've been looking for to try it. 

It's not like the writers of the show don't know who their demographic is. Sure, people my age love this show, but so does my 15 year old cousin and her friends who have glee watching parties on Tuesday night after they do their homework. More than half the people I follow of tumblr are under 21, and if you've ever had the misfortune of being on Tumblr during Glee, you'd think nothing else has ever happened in the world other than that show. The writers of this show did not need to glorify underage drinking like it was. 

There needed to be consequences. During Blame in on the Alcohol, there is no way that a teacher would have looked at that group of kids and not noticed that there was something wrong with them. Mr. Schue spends an obnoxious amount of time with those kids, it doesn't take a genius to realize they were under the influence. After Tik Tok, when half the fucking Glee club vomited on stage, the Principal shouldn't have rewarded them. If he was stupid enough not to realize they were drinking, Schue should have said something. That's what my teachers would have done, that's what a responsible adult would have done.

Another thing that REALLY bothered me about this episode is how Mr. Schue's drinking was taken the same way as the glee club drinking was. Mr. Schue is what, 30ish? the glee club members may be in their mid twenties in real life, but on that show, they are 16/17 years old. They should not be telling him that because he does it, they should be allowed to. The first thing about out Mr. Schue's mouth when Quinn said that should have been: "You're a teenager, I'm an adult. when you turn 21 you can make the choice for yourself."

The only thing about this episode that I thought was responsible was Mr. Schue handing out his number to those kids. He's a least a (mostly) responsible person that the kids can trust. 

Glee had a social obligation  to it's viewers, and if they treated teen drinking, which kills people every day, the same way they treated bullying, it could have been a wonderful episode, and they could have used the same songs, instead they made it a joke, which really just pissed me off.

Watching that episode, I couldn't help but think of memorable teen drinking episodes of the shows of my childhood. The one I really remembered, was Boy Meets World. In that teen drinking episode, Cory and Shawn are arrested, while the experience hits home with Cory, it doesn't really with Shawn. In the Matthew's kitchen there is moment almost exactly like the moment in the Choir room when Cory says to his dad something along the lines of "You drink, why shouldn't I." Mr. Matthews says "Because I'm an adult and you're not." Like Mr. Schue should have, because that's what someone you look up to as a role model should say at that point in time.

 Throughout the rest of that episode (which I believes takes place over a week or so) Shawn continues to drink. He does worse in school. Mr. Feeny and Mr. Matthews step in with no real changes being made. Jack yells at him and finally Shawn hits his girlfriend Angela.  I was, like 9 or 10, the first time I saw that episode. I've seen it a whole bunch of times since, and honestly it's one of those moments when I know television changed something in me.

That moment is repeated over and over again for the last three seasons of that show. Every time Shawn drinks, or Cory drinks or Eric or Jack or anyone, the point of the show when Shawn hit Angela is brought up. It's re enforced in the kids watching the show, whether they were in high school or college, or like me, 13 watching that show, that there will be consequences for your actions.

I love Glee, a horrible plotless show, yes, but i still love it. I just really wish this episode played out a lot differently. 

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

today is awesome: because it's LAUNDRY DAY! 

Book read: 2!! 

Currently reading: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

BOW 11 week 7

Someday I'll have a life worth blogging about, until then, I'll continue living my fantasy life in the Sims.

I've been sick this past week, not every exciting at all, but I almost vomited on my manager during an important meeting which was the only reason I was at work that day. What else... Was Monday Valentines' day? Yeah, nothing happened for that either. I live a sad and pointless life, honestly.

I spend most of my time reading and watching Dexter. I'm almost done with The Once and Future King, I have like 100 pages left. I'm really enjoying it, I don't know why it's talking me so long to read it.

 -insert mildly entertaining story- I was reading on my break at the service desk whilst my manager was on the phone, or who knows what he was doing, anyways, there was this super funny part in the book, then, like, someone was horribly murdered, then more funny, and I made this like, cry/laughing/really awkward noise. I guess that he was the only one that heard it, because I looked up and he was just looking at me with this strangely confused look on his face and asked if I was going to make it. - end of almost entertaining story-

One month from today I will be in a hotel room with Thursday getting ready of the Yule Ball! I still have to take a picture of my prom dress.  That week I'll have plenty to blog about. :D, but until then...

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
I think I'll post a story next week? Is that alright with everyone? Doing it anyway, but figured I'd ask.

Today is awesome because I have fuzzy pajama pants and Ben and Jerry's

Books read:1
Currently still reading: the once and future king

I'm going to the TwiWizard Tournament. Bow #6

I'm going and I'm going with my friend Megan, who is part of a youtube collab with me. I'm so excited. I tried on my prom dress and somehow it still fits me (I have 18 pictures of Teddy Roosevelt saves on my computer, but zero of my Prom dress, it was 6 years ago, but still, maybe later though.).

I'm so excited. I bought my ticket yesterday. I told my seven year old boyfriend, Aidan (the boy who bought Harry Potter at the store a while ago, his mom calls me his girlfriend, so I just go with it.) He seemed more excited that I did, which is pretty remarkable, considering. He told me I have a ton of pictures to show him when I get back, of course I will, Aidan, of course I will.

What else is happening in my life...

I finally started editing my novel. I'm really glad that I took time off and stepped away from it for a while, but   I'm pretty sure I'm the worst writer ever to exist. I asked Maureen Johnson about this, and she says that it's normal, but seriously, it's, like, horrible. This manuscript needs A LOT of work. 

I'm really working hard on doing, you know, blog worthy stuff, but it never seems to happen that way, sorry I'm so freaking boring :/

AND THAT THIS THE END OF THE STORY

today is awesome because it was a Deanna and Q closing night. I love working with Q.

books read 1.

I'm still reading The Once and Future King, but I'm really almost done this time. I promise.

bow 11 #5 Again with the suck

I'm going to tell you about yesterday, please tell me if I was wrong. I mean, I can see wrong-ness on both sides, but seriously tell me if I'm just being a complete asshole.

I really wanted to be positive this week, but I can't, not after the week I've had. As I mentioned before, I'm working the worst shift of all time, next to the most negative person of all time who is 100% obsessed with this guy we were working with to the point where I kind of wanted to slap her. It's no big secret that I love Jake Ryan, but I've become conscious of how much I talk about him now that I've hung out with her. Now I've become worried that I'm going to bother people by talking about him, and this makes me very sad.

Basically this girl is constantly negative. Every little thing can be spun and made negative by her, and if it's not negative, it's turned to make sound like this guy is just as obsessed with her as she is with him. My best girl friend (because my best friend is John Michael, and nothing ever in the world will change this) we're going to call her Q found out this guy had a girlfriend and told the other girl, so Negative Nancy decided that Q was actually trying to steal him from her, because that makes any sense at all, and because this is our freshman year of high school.

Without getting too far into it, yesterday morning sucked worse than any day ever, and it didn't help having Negative Nancy and her negativity and constant making everything the guy said about her near me, and I freaked out. So I walked away. I just couldn't take it anymore. I walked away, which is the mature, adult thing to do, rather than freak out and yell at them and get fired.

Ten minutes later, it's lunch TEN MINUTES. I don't know about you guys, but two weeks of build up leading to a massive explosion has never cooled off in ten minutes, and you can't exactly rush these things. She ended up crying, which makes me feel bad, because that was not my intention, the girl is my friend, and I didn't want to make her cry, I wanted to cool down and not punch her.

She went and made a HUGE DEAL about something that wasn't a big deal and on break went on the sales floor crying, which got me in trouble, and called into the assistant managers office.

(Side assistant manager note: I am almost a year older than my assistant manager, and although he is in an "authority figure" I have a very hard time taking what he says seriously, mostly because all the other assistant managers then contradict him, and he asked me to stay until midnight on Wednesday when I work from 5 am to 2 pm, and he once asked me how to do a credit card transaction, and he throws things at me. And I'm older than him.)

I was called to the Principal of Walmart because I didn't punch someone.

The person in the office ended up not being the assistant manager, but the head of the front end, so it was less awkward to explain what was going on, but I honestly think it would have been kind of funny to explain girl drama to him, because he gets embarrassed easily, because he's a 23 year old guy.

Thankfully, she understood, and sort of sided with me and understood that it got blow WAY out of proportion and really wasn't something worth crying or getting management involved. I basically explained through out mediator, since we're 11 and needed one, that I just needed some space so I didn't kill her. She understood this, but for some reason getting called into the assistant managers' office to be scolded at work for something so stupid, kind of pissed me off.

IT GETS STUPIDER

I went for drinks with Q and a friend that I work with now but I went to high school with, so I've known her forever (I'm going to come up with a list of blog code names, and post them later this week so I don't have to keep calling everyone "person I know" or "my friend." Negative Nancy and the guy were there, along with some other person. I didn't see them, but I had no intention of sitting with them anyway. I was still angry about getting scolded and just needed to get away from her. You can't be around someone for 2 weeks straight without everything that bothers you about them to just make you want to explode. I just... just need some space. Was it a little bit childish to not sit with them? Yes. Was it childish to involve Q? Yes. (Q was already pretty involved, since Negative Nancy accused her of trying to steal the guy and tell me that she kind of wished Q wouldn't get involved in her love life, even though she asked her to.) Did NN need to text all of us repeatedly asking us why we weren't sitting with her and asking if we were all still friends like we're in middle school? No. That part only added to my growing ball of annoyance.

I'm not saying we'll never be friends, honestly, I really like her, I like having her as my friend, but if she's going to act like we're 12 and get people involved that don't need to be involved. I just need some time off from our friendship right now. I can't be around her all the time, it will drive me insane.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because It was a drama and walmart free day!

Book read in 2011: 1
Currently reading: The Once and Future King.
I should finish it this week, I love this book, it's just talking forever and a day to read it.

Bow 11 #4 This week, basically, sucked.

I was supposed to be doing overnights (10p to 7a), remolding the store,  but at 9 Monday morning I got a phone call saying "why aren't you here, you we're supposed to be here at 5." I was like "No, I'm overnights, and I went to bed at 6, so there is no way I'm coming in."

So since Tuesday, I've been getting up 3:30 to get to work for 5. We've been redoing pets, TWICE, and other random tasks. I won't get to into it much more because I'll get angry, but basically, it sucks worse than anything I've ever done, and I still got a week left. I am exhausted and greatly looking forward to another week of this crap.

In uncrappy-ness; there was an STF show last night!!!!! I brought two of my work friends. They seemed to like it, hopefully they'll go again in the summer. :) It's hard to explain how much I missed Stranger than Fiction, but I really did. I can't wait for June for weekly shows again.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I'm still on that STF high, it's hard to explain unless you've been to a show, but I love them so much.

Books read in 2011: 1...
currently reading: The Once a Future King. (if I was working overnights, It would be done by now.)

week 3: I'm going to do a challenge.

Because I have an uninteresting life. But first, I want to thank everyone who left comments on my last blog post. See that you guys, my friends that I've never met feel the same way, it just... just, you know makes me feel better about feeling the way I feel. So thanks. :)

So Whimsy set a challenge of sorts in her blog this week, which was "who are your top 5 (or however many you want to say) fictional characters. As I read the blog I was like "I can do this," however, it was WAY harder than I thought it would be.

TOP 5 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IN DEANNA'S LIFE


1. OWEN MEANY (A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving): If you haven't read this book, seriously, give it a try, I'm not saying you'll like it, but it's really worth a read. I first met OWEN when I was 17, a junior in High School. He was a paper back novel that I figured I would look  up on spark notes before the test, but I actually read this book, every page, and that little guy changed my life forever. OWEN MEANY is speaks in a way the whole world can hear. For a girl that didn't have a voice, OWEN was is the reason I have one now. OWEN MEANY changed my life. No other character, or real life person wait, I take that back, there is one real life person who has done more for my life than OWEN, but nothing means more to me than that character in that book. I can't imagine being who I am without him.

2. Topanga Lawrence (Boy Meets World) I'm not what one would call "normal" I'm not as odd as Topanga  (Seasons 1-3 Topanga she got kind of normal toward the end there.) by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not normal. Being 7 or 8 years old and seeing a girl like her on television allowed me to just be who I was without caring. The show may have ended 10 years ago, but characters like Topanga are relevant, important even today. I honestly wish I could point to another television character and say "That girl, she's going to show girls that it's okay to be who they are, just like Topanga did."

3. Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter) Dumbledore is flawed yes, but he is always the greatest wizard of our time. He's that first real father figure in Harry's life, the first person he really trusts. Dumbledore is witty and perfect and exactly the kind of wizard an 11 year old girl needs in her life.

4. I know I'm new to the fandom but really The Doctor (Doctor Who) I have never, ever felt like this about a fictional character. It's hard not to love The Doctor, for me, more in a Donna way than a Rose way. Who doesn't dream of getting away, traveling the world, time, space.

5. Marty McFly (Back to the Future) Shortly before Harry Potter was a huge part of my life, 11 year old me LOVED Marty McFly. I still love Marty McFly, I was Marty McFly for Halloween. He's my ultimate time traveling hero. Back to the Future was the first really "nerdy" thing I was into, no one else in my class had even see it at the time. This movie has been a weird life long obsession of mine, and Marty has EVERYTHING to do with it.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY
Today is awesome because I spent a decent amount of the day in a blanket fort

Books read 1
Currently reading: The Once and Future King T.H. White.